Did He Just Say That?

Overflow Moments at New Psalmist

2011-02-08T12:58:00.000-08:00

Chad Dukes Redskins Rant on 106.7 the Fan

2010-11-19T06:44:00.000-08:00

Wow!

2010-11-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

This Message is Powerful

2010-04-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

As a far from perfect husband, father, brother, son, man I find this commercial raises in me as many emotions as the roles I play in this thing called life. Tiger has a long road to go, to save his marriage. His image will recover, what matters is his family.

There are no hard and fast rules to life, to relationships, or to making amends. Tiger I am praying for you because I could not imagine how much you and your wife have on you right now.

I think this commercial is powerful.

One of the sickest dunks ever

2010-01-22T08:38:00.001-08:00

Poor Mark Jackson

The People of Walmart

2010-01-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

Seriously what the hell are these people thinking. LMAO

Its Good To Laugh

2009-12-10T11:43:00.001-08:00

The Wire's 100 best Quotes

2009-11-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

Damn I miss this show!

C'mon Son

2009-10-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

Much Love Ed this is what I would do with the time to do it right. But I would probably get in a real studio and stop using a high-end web cam. LOL

Wrong Hole - LMAO

2009-09-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

Obviously dude is probably smallish so but this is not possible for real men. Enjoy the vid.

Gilt.com Get your shop on

2009-09-12T19:24:00.001-07:00

Join Now

I know I am going to hell

2009-08-28T10:52:00.001-07:00

You laughed so you are coming with me. LMMFAO!!!!

Food Porn

2009-08-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

Candidate #1 - The KFC "Double Down". For the record Willie Geist is Hysterical. 1200 calories

Candidate #2 The PorkGasm Oh My God. This has to be 1 Million calories.

Who is the winner? To be honest I would try both. But I would then have my stomach pumped, a heart transplant, colon cleansing and then run a 72K race.

Enjoy!

Cowboys Stadium Has Some Issues

2009-08-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

Good Hair - Chris Rock

2009-08-10T12:30:00.000-07:00

This looks like a must see.

WuTang Shadow Boxing Lego Style

2009-08-08T13:22:00.000-07:00

Wu-Tang Lego: Da Mystery of Chessboxin' from davo on Vimeo.

Yesss!!!! Big shout to HennyStraight and my girl DaniCharming for this one. Enjoy interNuts!!!

NFL Fantasy Files

2009-08-05T07:35:00.000-07:00

Fantasy Files from Tanner Cooley on Vimeo.

Pretty funny Cooley. I like anything that makes fun of the Cowboys, I also like watch Redskins drop passes. This was awesome. As an Eagles fan this pretty much guarantees the cowboys and redskins are going to be tire fires AGAIN this year. Eagles take the NFC East in August. WooHoo now we just gotta work on another Championship run.

Best Commercial on TV

2009-08-04T11:39:00.000-07:00

ROTFLMMFAO Watch the Dad. Dude is doing a full on body spasm.

The mom is grooving, so is baby-girl. But Damn Dad, he looks like he is doing a standing stop drop and roll. Priceless!!!!! Big shout to my wife and kids for showing this to me.

Sexy arms, great grip, and self satisfaction - THE SHAKEWEIGHT

2009-07-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

Hilarious Shake Weight Exercise for Women - Watch more Funny Videos

LMAO this is too funny. Lets take two vibrators and some old Jane Fonda weights, and you have the greatest gift ever. Men give this to your wives and they will look great in those sleeveless outfits and be able to jerk a knot into you "wedding-tackle." Ladies are you tired of having to workout and then stop to pleasure yourself not any longer! Let me introduce you to the ShakeWeight. Great for any Bridal showers, baby showers, divorce parties, married to Jesus parties. The possibilities never end.

This is friggin hysterical. I just ordered 17.

The Cleveland Show

2009-07-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

Seriously I cannot believe they are actually going to do this. There will be some serious discussions on the subject matter of this show. Oprah is going to shart if she ever gets wind of this.

Kobe-Lebron Puppet Parody

2009-06-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! Big shout to my man AW for bring this to my attention.

Southwest Airline Rap

2009-05-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

That was hot. Now give me my NUTS

Textsfromlastnight.com

2009-05-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

Please check this joint out absolutely hilarious. http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/
Post your fave in comments

Patented Ball Hoisting Technology - The Nut Bra

2009-04-23T12:26:00.000-07:00

ROTFLMMFAO

Highlights -

"Apple Bag"

"They look like Clint Eastwood"

LMMFAO!!!!

Stanky Breath R and B singers

2009-04-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

LOL! Day 26 probably has an endorsement from Listerine. It might help them with their thrush. Brush the tongue fellas.

LMAO!!!

Kanye West is a Gay ... uh a gay fish

2009-04-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

LMMFAO - South Park does it again!!!!!

Things That are Difficult to Say When Drunk

2009-04-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd h ate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Some people should not procreate

2009-04-06T06:00:00.001-07:00

Good Lord this is nuts.

Seton Keough Gets Another Title

2009-04-05T19:11:00.000-07:00

My sister, No. 12 Amber Singletary's, High School basketball team The Seton Keough Gators came back to top Riverdale Baptist(Upper Marlboro, Md.) for the 1st inaugural ESPN Rise National High School Invitational girls title. Amber was named the tournament MVP and made the first team all tournament. Baby girl led her team in scoring with 13 points in the title game and as usual was a shut down defender. She also hit two huge back to back buckets to lead her team to a comeback win mostly with the All-American, Asya Bussie on the bench with foul trouble. This title comes on the heels of winning the Interscholastic Athletic Association of Maryland A Conference title and another invitational tournament prior to this one. To read more check out the USA Today article here. I could not be any prouder.

Hopefully this will give Amber the exposure she needs and also help propel Katelyn Fischer to the attention of some Division 1 schools. Congratulations to coach Jackie Boswell and the rest of the Gators. Great job Ladies!!!

You are going to hell for laughing

2009-03-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

LMAO you laughed too so I will have company.

Young, Just Rhyme, and DUCK!!!

2009-03-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

Watch this. This dude gets knocked the fuck out. I am having trouble finding the punch. It is hilarious seeing a dudes true colors come out once he catches reck. Totally hilarious.

Good Ass Cheese

2009-03-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

Yall forgot how funny Arsenio is. I didn't. LMMFAO

Stoned Report

2009-02-04T08:55:00.000-08:00

stoned reporter

Ground Hog Day

2009-02-02T07:58:00.000-08:00

Groundhog Day is an annual tradition on February 2nd in the United States and Canada on which if a groundhog emerges from its burrow and fails to see its shadow because the weather is cloudy, winter will soon end. If on the other hand, it is sunny and the groundhog sees its shadow, the groundhog will supposedly retreat into its burrow, and winter will continue for six more weeks. The largest Groundhog Day celebration is held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as high as 40,000.

The bottom line is we have confirmation every February 2nd that there are at least 40,000 ass holes in Pennsylvania. That is all, now back to work.

I am a tad grumpy today.

I Don't Care Who You Are This is Funny

2009-01-23T09:22:00.000-08:00

Ahmed the Terrorist by Jeff Dunham.

Richard Pryor Show - Gun Shop

2009-01-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

We all must understand the climate in which skit was written and filmed. This skit is powerful. Comment please.

Star Wars Bar - Richard Pryor Show

2009-01-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

This man was absolutely hysterical. I refuse to let anyone forget Richard.

Amazon Review of The Secret by Ari Broulette

2009-01-13T12:24:00.000-08:00

By Ari Brouillette

Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.
At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.
My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.
Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I've never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of "The Secret". Normally I wouldn't have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn't have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read.
The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the "Law of Attraction" in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn't exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 "The Secret to Relationships" that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.
The next day in the exercise yard I carried "The Secret" with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I'm not sure that everybody's life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I'm very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.

ROTFLMMFAO

Ari you are AWESOME!!!!

Today's Joke - A Damn Fine Explanation

2009-01-06T13:25:00.000-08:00

A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can
tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I
made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good lean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

- Author Unknown

ROTFLMMFAO!!!!

I Really Love Commercials

2008-12-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

The more I watch this the harder I laugh. It doesn't get any better than this. As a Dad I would 100% be doing the same thing, but not outside. LOL!!!

Obama Win, The Aftermath

2008-11-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

LMAO! This is great. Great Job by the folks at the onion.

Man Laws

2008-11-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

In a world of advancing feminism, the emasculation of the male human has become, in a word, queer. Here are the laws so that we can continue to evolve as men without becoming chicks. That's right got damn it, man up!

MAN LAWS

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a.) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b.) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c.) After wrecking your boss's car.
d.) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the
game in progress, but you may never ask who' s playing.

10. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head
under the covers for the purpose of fart entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... And it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate
knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a.) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b.) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c.) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me,
you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

WTF 70% of Black Women are Single

2008-11-17T07:11:00.001-08:00

I guess this is why my single friends are so happily single.

Here is a response. The comments enclosed are not that of the author or the sponsors of Did He Just Say That.

Whoa this dude is nuts. Please comment.

I really love commercials

2008-11-13T12:46:00.000-08:00

LMAO watch the whole thing. By the way the product they are pushing, Jawbone bluetooth headset are awesome. Get one.

What's Up 2008

2008-10-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

On November 4th, Vote for change. That's what's Up.

Chocolate News - The Death of Hip Hop

2008-10-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

DAG is a funny brother. Nice to see him on TV again.

Chocolate News - Maya Angelou's Benediction

2008-10-20T07:57:00.001-07:00

McCain's Worst Week

2008-09-24T09:46:00.001-07:00

If you elect this man president, what he will do to our great country of ours is your own damn fault.

Random Thoughts

2008-08-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

Olympics
So I am watch the Olympics with my wife and there was a cyclist that came in dead last like 4 minutes behind everybody else and I said to my wife, "Sheeeit I could do that!" What I mean is who the hell trains 6 days a week 8 hours a day for four years qualifies for the Olympics and finishes 4 MINUTES back. I could train for a day and a half to be that damn bad, seriously. Did anybody happen to catch the gymnastics finals. I have never seen more people falling and there was no liquor involved. 4 years of sacrifice in order for 60 million people to see you break your ass in a floor routine. Stay in school!!!

Anger
You ever have someone do or say something so ridiculous that you are so angry that you should break your foot off in them but instead you just laugh as if you heard a funny joke while slowly sharpening your blade. Maybe it's just me.

Restraining Orders
Is it me or does it seem illogical that in some cases in order to get a restraining order the individual that you are trying to be separated from must appear in order to proceed?
Judge: Where's the defendant?
Complainant: He was in my bushes this morning, your honor. Oh he's probably going through my underwear drawer or at my kids school.
Judge: Postpone until the defendant is present or the homicide is discovered. Next case.
You've gotta love our legal system, best in the world!

TV During the Summer
SUCKS!

Police Funerals
The loss of a human life is a horrible thing. You ever wonder how it is that all of those cops can attend the funeral. Thats the time to commit a crime. I mean they come from every county, they shut off highways, I mean really. Aren't there shifts that need to be covered? There needs to be an investigation.

Yard Sales
Ever have one? They are great you get to try to sell your old clothes, VHS tapes, appliances, basically the crap you don't need to someone that is up 7 in the morning trolling for crap they don't need. We are doing our first this weekend. Anyone need a XXXL shirt, with the arms cut off that reads "Just Did It?" Come on by!!!

The Late Isaac Hayes

2008-08-12T05:51:00.001-07:00

Isaac Hayes was an American soul and funk singer-songwriter, musician, record producer, arranger, composer, and actor. Hayes was one of the main creative forces behind southern soul music label Stax Records, where he served as both an in-house songwriter and producer with partner David Porter during the mid-1960s. In the late 1960s, Hayes became a recording artist, and recorded successful soul albums such as Hot Buttered Soul (1969) and Black Moses (1971) as the Stax label's premier artist.

Alongside his work in popular music, Hayes was a film score composer for motion pictures. His best known work, for the 1971 blaxploitation film Shaft, earned Hayes an Academy Award for Best Original Song which was the first Academy Award received by an African-American in a non-acting category, and two Grammy Awards. He received a third Grammy for the album Black Moses.

Hayes was an innovative musician and as my pops tells me he put on a mean concert. Peep his outfits.

Yes ladies and gentlemen that is a chain vest and yes that it young Jesse Jackson in a duck-shaker (dashiki)

Some of you may have only been exposed to Isaac Hayes was his portrayal of Chef in South Park. The love making mentor/cafeteria chef of the South Park boys. A quick YouTube search will show the hilariousness (Probably not a word) that was Chef.

Another legend has gone on to the other side.

Isaac Lee Hayes, Jr. August 20, 1942 – August 10, 2008

Bernard Mac Gone at 50

2008-08-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

The father husband comedian actor Bernie Mac died early Saturday morning at the age of 50. The Chicago Sun-Times first reported his death, which was later confirmed by CNN and the Associated Press.
Although the cause of death was not disclosed, the comedian, whose real name was Bernard McCullough, had been hospitalized recently for pneumonia. He had suffered from sarcoidosis, a respiratory disease, since the 1980’s.
A columnist for the Sun-Times, Stella Foster, said that a close friend of the family confirmed his death. Mr. Mac starred in the Fox television series “The Bernie Mac Show,’’ he was the KING of the Kings of Comedy tour and his film credits include roles in the “Ocean’s Eleven” series of movies.
I guess getting older this is what you expect, those that inspire, those that entertain you, and those that are close to you pass on. Bernie Mac was to me one of the funniest comics ever. He had a presence that took over a room, he had a way about him that was magic. He had a freshness about his comedy that I had not seen since Robin Harris.
This is the first time I had ever seen Bernie Mac, I was instantly a fan.
Man that brother was funny. Another great lost to us family, at least he suffers no more, him Pryor, Foxx, Carlin, and Harris are cracking the angels up right now. Thanks for the laughs.

Bernie Mac October 5, 1957 – August 9, 2008

100th Post - Could this be real?

2008-08-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

I had different plans for my 100th post. I am not sure if this is true, I do know that it is scary as hell. Some interesting perspective. The "Amero?" World Government? Corrupt media. Good grief, I need a drink.

I promise my 101st post will be more of what you are used to.

Jordan - Damn Straight

2008-08-04T07:21:00.000-07:00

Jordan VS. Kobe - MJ says, "In my prime it would not even be a contest."

Before the arguments start what did you expect him to say, the most competitive athlete, arguably, and a man. Hell I don't think anyone can beat me at anything and I am far removed from being a world-class athlete. It's an ego thing. Now imagine being MJ and knowing that you are GREAT, how would you respond? He aint a politician why sugar coat it. When I build my time machine I will make it happen.

Get Some Nuts!

2008-07-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

Once again Mr. T has found away to entertain the hell out of me. Commercial removed from TV because America is becoming a politically correct pansyville. I hate people. What person is really offended by this. Lighten up people.

I Can Feel It

2008-07-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

This joint rocks. Now what is really funny is watching the other riders. There's always one hater.. "see dude in black coat in scarf"... then peep white chick biting her lip. She is feeling it, what she is feeling I am not really sure.

Mr. T Rapping

2008-07-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

Mr. T's Rap Song | Viral | SPIKE.com

ROTFLMMFAO!!!

The Loss of a Legend - George Carlin

2008-06-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

It is always tough to say good bye to those you love. Even harder to say good bye to those that have inspired you your entire life. George Carlin is probably the one comedian that I put along side Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx. His incredible ability to be funny from the 70's until today is a credit to his genius.

George Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008)was a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and philosopher.

Carlin was especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5-4 decision by the justices affirmed the government's right to regulate Carlin's act on the public airwaves.

Carlin's mid-2000s stand-up routines focused on the flaws in modern-day America. He often took on contemporary political issues in the United States and satirized the excesses of American culture.

A disciple of Lenny Bruce,[19] he placed second on the Comedy Central cable television network list of the 10 greatest stand-up comedians, ahead of Bruce and behind Richard Pryor.[20] He was a frequent performer and guest host on The Tonight Show during the three-decade Johnny Carson era, and was also the first person to host Saturday Night Live.

TheRealMcCain

2008-06-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

www.TheRealMcCain.com

Since they are going at my President. Let's go at the republican candidate

This one is my favorite.

One of the best scene in tv history

2008-06-04T13:40:00.001-07:00

Doing The Math

2008-05-29T05:09:00.000-07:00

If you were to do the math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce. After 5 years of marriage, he ends up paying her $49 million. Assuming he banged her every night, during their 5 year relationship (any married man knows THAT doesn't happen), it ends up costing him $26,849 per lay, not counting attorney's fees and court costs. Elliot Spitzer's call girl Kristen charges $4,000 an hour. Crazy, right? But...

Had Paul McCartney employed Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a savings of $41+million). Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, wide open menu, ability to put BOTH legs around you, no bitching and complaining or "to do" lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back the next day, ready for another round. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees. Is it just me, or is Kristen a WAY better deal?

Are You My Daddy? - May 22nd 2008

2008-05-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

Grey's Anatomy Star Chandra Wilson is asking Russell from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids(bottom right), "Are you my daddy?" LMAO!!!! You be the judge. Big shout to my lovely wife for this one.

82 Things White People Like. LMAO!

2008-05-16T12:14:00.001-07:00

I saw this and I thought this was totally hilarious. I am not the author. Enjoy

82 Things White People Like:

#82 Hating Corporations

#81 Graduate School

#80 The Idea of Soccer

#79 Modern Furniture

#78 Multilingual Children

#77 Musical Comedy

#76 Bottles of Water

#75 Threatening to Move to Canada

#74 Oscar Parties

#73 Gentrification

#72 Study Abroad

#71 Being the only white person around

#70 Difficult Breakups

#69 Mos Def (LMMFAO!!!)

#68 Michel Gondry

#67 Standing Still at Concerts

#66 Divorce

#65 Co-Ed Sports

#64 Recycling

#63 Expensive Sandwiches

#62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People

#61 Bicycles

#60 Toyota Prius

#59 Natural Medicine

#58 Japan

#57 Juno

#56 Lawyers

#55 Apologies

#54 Kitchen Gadgets

#53 Dogs

#52 Sarah Silverman (I think she is really Dave Chapelle)

#51 Living by the Water

#50 Irony

#49 Vintage

#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops

#47 Arts Degrees

#46 The Sunday New York Times

#45 Asian Fusion Food

#44 Public Radio

#43 Plays

#42 Sushi

#41 Indie Music

#40 Apple Products

#39 Netflix

#38 Arrested Development

#37 Renovations

#36 Breakfast Places

#35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report

#34 Architecture

#33 Marijuana

#32 Vegan/Vegetarianism

#31 Snowboarding

#30 Wrigley Field

#29 80s Night

#28 Not having a TV

#27 Marathons

#26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)

#25 David Sedaris

#24 Wine

#23 Microbreweries

#22 Having Two Last Names

#21 Writers Workshops

#20 Being an expert on YOUR culture

#19 Traveling

#18 Awareness

#17 Hating their Parents

#16 Gifted Children

#15 Yoga

#14 Having Black Friends

#13 Tea

#12 Non-Profit Organizations

#11 Asian Girls

#10 Wes Anderson Movies

#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside

#8 Barack Obama

#7 Diversity

#6 Organic Food

#5 Farmer’s Markets

#4 Assists

#3 Film Festivals

#2 Religions their parents don’t belong to

#1 Coffee

So I forgot my Gym bag today

2008-05-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

I am a former gym rat. I USED to workout 6 times a week Monday - Saturday. I say former because I am now softer than hot air dryed rabbit nuts. A back/neck injury, marriage and kids kept me out of the gym for 3 years. So stuck on swole (SOS) as I am I have recommitted myself to the gym and eating "better." Having forgotten my bag this morning I decided to go back home get my bag and go to the gym. Well due to the rain, shitty maryland drivers and one pennsylvania driver I took too long to go to the gym. I will do a 2 a day tomorrow to "make-up." PROBABLY. So since this has turned into a cheat day I was going to get some fast food. I got the Indiana Jones whopper. Do not make this mistake. It tasted like yak ass with habenero sauce, smothered in gunpowder. 1st bite I was like hmm that is an interesting blend of flavors, let me try to swallow it might get better. 2nd bite hmm that burns a bit wash it down with some diet coke. Is that SMOKE? 3rd bite.... CALL THE MORTICIAN. I would rather eat Indiana Jones' whip rather than eat this sandwich.

The moral of the story is go to the gym or eat this sandwich, either way you lose weight. Gym you will build muscle, live longer, lower your blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. The Burger King option will result in violent bylemia which leads to weight loss from loss of muscle mass, fat, rotted teeth and malnutrition.

This is a public service announcement people. Do not make this mistake. Go see the movie.

Stabenow's Husband, A Bargain Shopper

2008-04-03T05:44:00.000-07:00

Following revelations that Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow's husband, Thomas Athans, told police he had paid $150 for sex with a prostitute, the AP reported that police had arrested Alycia Martin, 20, on a charge of prostitution. She was subsequently released...

Not to rehash the Spitzer situation but what the hell did the $1000 an hour buy in NY and DC that $150 can buy in Michigan. I know there are VAST cost of living differences and I know that times is tough the Midwest but DAMN. I guess old boy was just a bargain shopper. I wonder if she takes anything off if you show her your union card.

But Back to Elliot, my advice to you, move west you can get 10 for the price of one. You may have to deal with a little Cat fighting if they are all together, so perhaps use a little Gatorade, Viagra, ginseng, and a staggered schedule.

What is really interesting about both of these stories is how both of them have Myspace pages. I guess EVERYONE accept for me has a myspace page. So maybe it is not just for aspiring rappers, actors, singers, and fake celebrity pages. Oh damn did I forget the Step it up 2 page. How could I forget the WACK movie pages?

You be the judge, $150/hr f0r Alycia or $1000/hr for Spitzer's Femme for Fee Favorite..

Now I am not sure if there is video but for the money, I personally think Stabenow's hubby GOT OFF better!!! LMAO

Barney Quote of the Week

2008-04-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite shows. Probably my favorite Sitcom and arguably one of the best written shows on TV. How I Met Your Mother Barney played by Neil Patrick Harris is a well to do suit wearing bachelor that is a misogynistic, male chauvinist, womanizer and he has some of the most hilarious lines ever. Which is even funnier considering, the former Doogie Howser, MD star, came out a few years ago.

My new segment, the Barney quote of the week. This weeks, quote is:

Talking to a woman that you have already had sex with is like changing the oil on a rental car.

ROTFLMMFAO!!!

History in the Making

2008-02-27T06:08:00.000-08:00

Habakkuk 1:5 reads:

Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would see a Black candidate make it this far. Not in my lifetime. Sure I thought one day in the not so distant future. But not while I was still young enough to remember the Reagan administration. I am not sure how all of this will turn out. All I know is that I almost cried when George Bush was elected, I celebrated when he was defeated by Clinton, I was totally disappointed when W got elected, I wanted to move to Djibouti when he was reelected, I thought surely God was punishing us for any number of things. Now I think God is moving. I don't know if Obama is going to win it all but I do believe he is the right person for the job. Barack the vote!

5 Thing You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

2008-02-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.

Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST: Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobiles is 112.

If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND: Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy

Someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock.

Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object.

You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!'

THIRD: Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#

Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH: How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

And

Finally....

FIFTH: Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.

Program this into your cell phone now.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass
it on to your family and friends.

Yes We Can

2008-02-19T12:59:00.001-08:00

He is the Future

2008-02-18T06:20:00.000-08:00

Get your popcorn ready.

The 2nd Anniversary of Mansome Times Day

2008-02-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day. But this post is your reminder ladies you have a month to prepare for Mansometimes Day.

It is a day that rightfully sets off March Madness. It is the day that all you 21st century women, put the kids to bed early, call a babysitter, cancel your sorority meetings, skip the book club, move your 'mani' and 'pedi' to tomorrow. This is the day that you show your man some time. No need to buy him jewelry (you can if you like.) Don't buy him no damn drawz. Take out the time this evening to get home a little early, take a bath, light a candle, if you in college stick an incent in a plant. When your man gets home, take his clothes off, make him shower and apply lotion, you can help. But these things must occur.

No gossip, no nagging, no TV except for whatever he wants to watch and no touching the remote (including the volume!)
Prepare or buy his favorite cut of steak (4 pound porterhouse should do) prepared to his liking. If he is a vegetarian he is probably wearing panties and prefers the butcher's son
Baked Potato at least a pounder and of course all his favorite fixins(Butter Butter Butter, Cheese, Chives, REAL bacon)
After dinner, a BJ like it is his birthday and he just bought you a MayBach. Pretend like it has the antidote in it.
Remember this Steak and head! Say it with me, "STEAK and HEAD!"

After that he is under no obligation to retort but if he is so generous he will take good care of his wonderful lady like a true gentlemen. And you two can go to sleep having renewed your carnal vows. (Cuddling optional)So spread the word fellas, Ladies get ready!

Are you serious

2008-01-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

I can't stop laughing at this picture. Big shout to Smartenupnas for this joint. He desperately needs his ass whooped and accounts frozen for that chain. I thought Run having a shell head Adidas gold medallion was bad back in 87. Come on kid a Frosted Flakes chain, Tiger pants and a white T. You are just one other person that makes me wish birth control were retroactive. This just in his manager who is wheel chair bound wears a Special K box. I aint sure who this fool is but I guarantee his rap group are the Cereal Killers.

Troll of Love 3

2008-01-24T13:22:00.000-08:00

Way back in 2006 I wrote Reality My A$$ and I touch upon the Flava of Love. Look at this dude, despite the fact that this man reminds me of what's left after a good colonoscopy and that he is by far the most embarassing black figure on TV that does not lead a local chapter of the NAACP. (You may hiss but look at a few of these guys on the internet) This dude is getting rich off of making a mockery of himself. And he is another celebrity with a perm. When is this shit going to stop. When will Conkalene fold? Damn. I am about to start rooting for the return of the Jheri curl I mean fuck it. We let the government get away with Katrina, We let Brian Gumbel call football games, and we let Brittany Spears continue to have ovaries. When will we stop this idiodacy.

Can we wake up folks?

It is time to revolt. This writers strike is fucking with my beloved television. Last night I wanted to kill small animals after being FORCED to watch Moment of Truth. Reality TV is the worse thing to happen to TV since, David Hasselhoff. Speaking of "the Hoff," they are remaking Knight Rider, with a mustang. What the Fuck? A Ford! Every bad guy will get away because this car will not make through the first episode. Flava you are Ugly in all dimensions! And while I am at it.

Hollywood pay the writers.
Brittany, get your tubes tied, liposuction, and a TAN in that order, please stop singing.
FEMA make me the director give me a weather radio, and HD TV, a guaranteed HD signal, a satellite phone, 300k a year tax free, I will keep shit straight.
NAACP hire leaders we can proud of again please.
Philadelphia Eagles bring in some talented recievers.
Redskins use the draft as a tool, free agents cost too much they are old and they do not perform.
Giants 2 word injure Brady his first snap.
Cowboys do not sign TO to the long term contract he is high maintenance he is soft and he cannot catch.
Rappers stop doing/carrying drugs, strippers are bad, make your groupies strip.
Everybody, neck tattoos are only ok if your culture has been doing it for the last century or so everybody else stop it.
Black people read, vote, and stop calling ignorance cute.

I feel better now.

I am Hiro!

2008-01-24T06:26:00.000-08:00

Which Heroes Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Coming to a Theater Near You

2008-01-15T11:15:00.000-08:00

Wesley Snipes in the live action rendition of the Hanna Barbera classic Secret Squirrel. Here are some behind the scenes photos.LMAO. This dude is filming "Gay Blade IV: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" LOL!!! I know his daddy Nipsey Russell is proud. Ok I will stop.

TO Crying LMAO

2008-01-14T08:10:00.000-08:00

Terrell Owens was pretty emotional after the Giants knocked him and his Cowboys out of the playoffs. I now understand why TO is such a bad teammate to play with, aside from the Sleepy Brown Shades, homeboy is a damn 16 year old girl with daddy issues. LOL. I have never seen anything so pathetic in my life. "That's my teammate " Man if you could catch you wouldn't have these problems. Eagles and Redskin fans really appreciate this one Terrell. Enjoy the video... I did. LMAO!!!

TERREL OWENS CRYING

LOL Caption This Kids

2008-01-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

Seeing as I don't want to get erased someone please channel me and add the appropriate caption for this one. Ahh screw it. They impeached Clinton for this shit!!!!!

Who does he look like?

2008-01-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

I'm Rick James Junior!!!! Bitch!!!!!

LMAO!!! Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

The Vampire LaSnopp

2007-12-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

This bama need to stop smoking weed from transylvania. LOL What yall think?

Who should I vote for for president in 2008?

2007-12-13T13:21:00.000-08:00

I match up well with...

	Barack Obama - 67 match You must be ambitious and idealistic, like Barack Obama. Obama is a liberal democrat who, unlike his rivals, opposed the Iraq war from the start. With only 3 years in the Senate, his inexperience worries some and sometimes reveals itself in the debates, but he also has the charisma and popular support that the others lack.
	Dennis Kucinich - 66 match Denis Kucinich, an Ohio congressman, is a far-left liberal democrat. He has the most extreme proposals for nearly every issue including creating a single-payer system of universal health care; an immediate withdrawal of all U.S. forces from Iraq and replacing them with an international security force; and guaranteeing quality education with free pre-kindergarten and college. He even wants to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. Needless to say, Kucinich is a no-hope contender.
	Bill Richardson - 64 match You're looking for a moderate Democrat like Bill Richardson. Experienced in state, national, and international politics, Richardson has been a Congressman, an ambassador to the United Nations Security Council, and is now the governor of New Mexico. He is pro-choice, strongly favors rights for the LGBT population, advocates for affirmative action in government contracts, and even championed the idea that Congress should revoke the original authority it gave to go to war with Iraq. Richardson also supports the death penalty and gun ownership rights.

Take the test.

Is it me. . .

2007-12-12T07:40:00.001-08:00

Is it me or does Wyclef look like the villain in the Blade IV, the Blood Band Director. LOL

Ladies Wake Up

2007-11-28T13:01:00.001-08:00

Now I do not know the author and I do not necessarily agree with all that he says but this dude has a point. Please read, enjoy, and comment. This was forwarded to me by a dear friend.

Bottom line -- if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about, SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he's through. He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch. Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth. Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship". Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The "other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home". Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long. Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening. All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it. Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don't be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT. Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he's married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, "I'm not lookin' for nothing right now" -- DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind.." NO YOU CAN'T. He said exactly what he meant. BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF. If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now? There's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself -- sexually AND emotionally. Show us to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don't be afraid to be alone. After you give us sex you will probably be alone anyway, but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. if we REALLY like you, we'll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us. That's not how it works, baby. I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won't change a thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying....
SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP
GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO
A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago)
IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF
IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM? IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?
BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. YOUR BODY IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS. BELIEVE THAT.
BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. "

I know you are used to laughing at this blog but I think more women need to read and understand this. Actually dudes tone made me laugh but hell I laugh at almost everything. I think it is funny how you hear (read) the truth so little that when you finally see it, it looks like a joke.

Phil Jackson, LOL!

2007-11-15T08:02:00.000-08:00

I know this is late but Phil Jackson Hall of Fame player for the historical New York Knicks. The 6 Time coach of my Beloved Chicago Bulls and another team which I forget the name of... LOL Jackson is facing some contraversy for his post game comment regarding a recent Laker game. Here is the comment. "We call this a Brokeback Mountain game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts," Jackson said. "It was one of those games." Wow! HAAAAAAAAA!!!!

I think the Zen Master and I must share brains because that is totally something I would have said. I wonder if there are any other applications such an analogy. Stay Tuned.

Marriage Changes Things

2007-11-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

Before all of you women get up in arms about the title let me start by saying that I am happily married and that I love and adore my wife. That being said we have changed quite a bit since we met 10 years ago this coming New Years Eve. We were having a conversation about some home improvements and I had a epiphany, the things that once got us excited have been replaced by things parents get fired up over. From this gorgeous loving woman that I used to chase around the kitchen, tackle in the living room, and kiss passionately for no other reason other than she was there. She looked at me with a straight face and said we should get some "really cool door knobs, That can be our thing!" What the fuck!! Before we got married we were going to the ends of the earth to see the 7 wonders of the world, we were going to climb mount everest, and winter in Tahiti. We were going to make love in the French Riviera. Now married 4 years our thing is Door Knobs. Door Knobs, DOOR FUCKING KNOBS!!! How old are we? There needs to be an intervention. Oh Jesus whats next matching bowling shirts, we will start being bridge partners, oh Lord not Bingo! You see what the American Dream does it makes you boring, makes you old. Bottomline fellas Marriage changes things!

A look at my mind

2007-10-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

If you were to TiVo my mind for a 15 minute period you would see that my mind is like an HD television with the remote in the hands of a rambunctious 2 and a half year old. Here is a sampling:
I like to call this one "You DO Look Like a Dude."

Khadijah Farmer is put out of a women's room because
they thought she was a man. You can get the full story Here. Now I saw this chick in a TAILORED men's suit on the Today Show and she looks more like a dude looking directly at her than she does looking at her profile. There is a lesson to be learned here. If you do not want to be bounced out of the ladies room and you look like a dude #1 stop dressing like one and #2 drop a few hints I don't know maybe some lip gloss a flower pendent, hell a barrette. Although that still would not help you in Atlanta. Worse come to worse just wear a Velcro shirt and show Charlie Murphy your Titties. The controversy really started because Farmer was in the ladies room asking for a urinal. LOL! But if you tryna get paid just look like a dude and sue. As this SHIM is planning to do. Good luck. She better hope I am not the judge. Because I would look at her picture and be like case dismissed, sir.
Speaking of Bathrooms, you ever go in a bathroom that were just cleaned and they have the toilet paper in so tight that you find yourself pulling and pulling and pulling and only getting enough to cover your thumbnail. I hate that. I find myself in there for an hour trying to crochet a sweater out of the confetti I have made to wipe with. I know people who come in after me look at the floor in the stall and think they missed a parade. Today, I got fed up and just used the Baltimore Sun to wipe my ass. That is best coverage they have had in decades.

Michael Vick has to write a check in excess of 20 Million Dollars back to the Atlanta Falcons to return his signing bonus. They are just the latest people trying to get there money back from the scooby killer. It just leads me to believe that at some level we need to do psychological evaluations on ourselves. I did one today on myself I found that I am sane enough to operate in society and only cause malice and destruction on small scales, usually in client meetings, church socials, and Thanksgiving at my in-laws. But I am not crazy enough to be a multi-millionaire and lose it all. Damn. This just in Mike Vick's perspective cell-mate is a 6 foot 10, 382 pound Homosexual, defensive end/dog lover with Aids, and 4.2 speed. Let's see how evasive he is in that 10x9 cell.

OK I will stop the randomness and get back to work.

To be continued. Be afraid be very afraid.

I Hate Weddings!!!

2007-09-24T11:50:00.001-07:00

Okay, okay, I don't hate weddings, weddings are usually cool but a wedding on your birthday sucks ass. And a wedding on your birthday that is out of town BLOWS DOG. All jokes aside I like the couple so it was worth it and I really had no choice because it was my wife's good friend. Apparently, if a woman misses a wedding of her girlfriend she immediately gets terminal left breast cancer and since I am right-handed we HAD to go. All and all the wedding was fun. The problem was we were 45 miles from home and I could not get off my ass drunk because of some law against it or some shit. Anyway had a good time danced laughed sat at the table a few nice couples although weird.

The first a mixed couple were the man was a 6'2 horizontally and vertically, 438 pounds (that's right a fucking giant Fee fi fo fum and all that shit) and the woman was a whopping 4 foot 10. Of course she had all the balls and all of the whiskey and at some point she made reference to his tiny sushi and I had to excuse myself.

There was the other couple that were only dating 2 weeks, dude she is taking you to a wedding after 2 weeks, run for the nearest exit that chick is trying to have your baby, believe that. They were funny, the girl had the stronger personality of the two, the dude was laid back and kept going to the bar for me.... Unfortunately, forcing me to have to talk to his baby hungry date. This chick was hunting semen like homosexual pirate (Arrrrrrr!) I was really getting uncomfortable now. The bar was 10 feet away and that was too far.

Then there was the other couple across the table the dude look like a fake ass Chippendale with a neck tattoo. Sidebar: Nothing says loser more than a neck tattoo except for maybe a face tattoo. The woman I swear I saw on an the HBO Cathouse but if dude loves/married her so be it.

One thing you are guaranteed to see at a wedding, old people dancing, a lot of single dudes in cheap suits trying to snag something, also a lot of women in dresses that leave little to the imagination, trying to snag something. My wife commented that one of the guests was gonna give herself a black eye when one of her titties popped out. (Her words I swear.) It is just funny as I get older I watch single people and I go wow it sucks to be them. With Herpes, AIDS, and Ugly running rampant, it is a wonder anyone has sex let alone gets married. They should make a condom that sets anybody with an STD on fire whenever it touches them, that may never pass FDA approval. Man what I need now is a good funny funeral. If you aint been to one let me know I can make arrangements.

I really Hope these are fake

2007-09-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

OSCAR DE LA HOYA was always a pretty-boy for a fighter but this is pushing it a bit.

Is my editorial even needed here?

This is almost not funny, almost.

2007-08-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

Aside from the clothes and the makeup apparently her performances suck ass now too. Where is her Momma? Who is her pastor? Has anyone called Jesus on her behalf yet? I need a vitamin water, a pressure pill, and a shot of Jack after this one.

Random Picture of the week

2007-08-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

2 perms, 2 mustaches making u-turns and a dude that makes the best what the fuck face ever!! I just cannot stop laughing at this.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2007-08-01T05:59:00.000-07:00

Something has to be done. This chick is ruining her self. This latest performance where she again lets Barnum and Bailey construct her ensemble. She looks like a Bulimic Moms Mabley. I asked for an intervention a little while ago when she was spotted looking like Michael Jackson's stunt double in the Wiz. How do you go from talented and beautiful to troubled and scary in less than 10 years? Are you poking veins Lauryn? Is the pipe talking to you? Are you channeling Richard Pryor? Cocaine has got to be involved. It's a hell of a drug. To the top of my celebrity prayer list you go.

WHY WHY WHY?!!!

2007-07-12T13:14:00.000-07:00

Abel Xavier - This is why Soccer will never be a hit in this country. How does his parent feel seeing their boy look like this? As a father if my son ever looked like this please come visit me on Sundays and bring me cigarettes, candy, and Jet Magazines. Greg Oden - Somebody please get this man a stylist. This man looks like a maitre d in an upscale Gargoyle Establishment. Greg you just earned a spot to my prayer list.
Jerry Rice - Crown Royal bags are a ghetto legacy from the 70's. You are the greatest football player EVER, please stop trying so hard to stay relevant. This is embarrassing, Jerry. IF this happens again I may have to catch an assault charge.
Lebron James - This was a skit... It's My Lebrogative!!!!... still unacceptable. Bobby Brown should get Whitney to whoop yo ass.

After that mess, I need a drink.

Come on Mike

2007-07-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

My first thought when I saw this picture is that I misspelled the first word in the title. Below you will find the rest, in no particular order:

Calm down little buddy!
"Denyce, I'm coming for you baby. My stroke is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah!"
Denyce: Is that a tattoo on his face? Mike: Herrrrrre Titty Titty Titty!
"You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend." (Originally said to Razor Ruddock) LMAO
If I can connect with an uppercut I could push my bone to her brain.
"I normally work with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."
Why does he keep calling me Robin?
I was a little concerned when he licked my hand but the crotch juggling is just unacceptable.
Please F*ck me and make you love me!!!
If I wasn't on Zoloft she would be broken and pregnant.

Big Shout to Dane and AW for this one.

Proper Burial

2007-07-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

So yesterday the NAACP buried the N-word. This would probably an opportunity for me to profess my opinion on the matter but that is not my style. Of course I think the N-word should be eradicated, after all it is generally misused, it is used by blacks as somewhat of a term of endearment, "That's my N-Word" (I plead guilty); It is used by others as a racial slur; it is used by suburban whites as a term of endearment for their white friends when no one black is around. Nevertheless it is a word that is a symbol of hate, oppression, and its death is long overdue.
With that in mind there are a few people who antics should join the N-Word in that grave. I would never call for another human being's death, perhaps their maiming, or dismemberment but never death, that is just wrong.

Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. Can we get some new black protesters please, I mean let He without sin cast the first stone I mean dag these brothers are tired, old and quite honestly I am tired of them. Al Sharpton just makes me shake my head, he says whatever is on his mind factually sound or not. Man at least you could bring back the sweatsuits so that blacks AND whites can laugh at you. You are far too entertaining to them. Jesse went to the Middle East and brought the pain a few years back, getting those hostages released, since then he has moved nothing but up a few suit sizes. I mean really we laugh at Bill Cosby's rants but these two "reverends" are just noisemakers and I really think they are more into their own press than the improvement of our community or the issues in dispute. It is time to get some folks out there that really care. Not me though I got shit to do.
Troubled black athletes. Pacman, the Vick boys, the Cincinnati Bengals, Tank Johnson all of them, you overpaid children need to wake up. You have the world at your doorstep chill out, get rid of the drugs, dog fights, guns, strip clubs. Do what white people do, go hunting, you can drink, shoot, and cheat on your wives all in one weekend and have the NRA protect you. They need a token black spokesperson, anyway. Especially since OJ prefers knives. I wonder if you can apply or do you need to shoot a close friend first. (Big shout to our vice president my favorite government DICK)
Reality shows on VH1. I mean really do we really need anymore examples of how ignorant some people are, black, white, or monkey I would rather watch Roseanne strip tease while cooking bacon than see Monique teaching someone "class." Are you kidding me? Monique how about you shave them sides of beef before you call legs, and how about you pull the reigns back on that makeup, who is your stylist Earl Scheib, Maaco. Make up to you is like putting perfume on a pig. I am so embarrassed by her, she is more hurtful to Baltimore than The Wire, Martin O'Malley and the School System combined. And if they reelect Sheila Dixon, Jesus may have to run in 2012.
Dudes in Capri pants. Do I really need to say this? If you want pants where pants, if you want shorts wear shorts. Now maybe I am getting old but when I was growing up ladies wore Capri's well ladies and those dudes that grew up faster than their parents could buy clothes used to get beat up. Capri pants and Timberland's you have got to be kidding me.
Rappers with "Lil" in their names. Just stop it. Is that really cooler than just Wayne, I mean hell it worked for Madonna and she got enough money to buy Negroes. I can't wait to have enough money to skip over all of the American children in need and go to a 3rd world country and get me a nice handmade rug. I aint bringing no foreign child over here. There are Millions here that I can ignore. Which reminds me. . .
Celebrities adopting foreign children. There are Millions of American orphans, how about you pick a few of them up Brangelina. Sure your world spanning community service is admirable but how about you help out your community on this hemisphere.
If you can think of any more hit up my comments, this is like therapy to me.

Time For An Intervention

2007-07-05T07:00:00.001-07:00

When I first saw this picture I was like Oprah done phucked around and went to clown college and lost 100 more pounds. Then my ipod switched to Fugee La La La and I said Holy Jesus Holy Jesus! That is Lauryn Hill!! She looks like Flava Flav and Ronald McDonald's daughter. Oh my gracious somebody PLEASE pull this hooka up and tell her this is her brain on drugs. What a waste. I aint been this upset since "That's My Mama" went off.

Punctuation

2007-06-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

Should that be a period instead of a question mark? Just wondering.

That's it I have had Enough

2007-06-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

It is time paparazzi stops taking pictures of washed up stars. What was the last thing that this minority hobbit bastard was in. Celebrity fat club? Ugly Arnold? Who wants to date a washed up Thousandaire? I mean jeez I loved different strokes but when was that hot last 1982?

Look at that hat. When did Baby Gap start carrying Cowboy hats. And you can't tell me those khakis are not from Gymboree. This dude looks like Paddington Bear on Methadone.

In other swelling celebrity news look who got a divorce yesterday and now has his own snowflake.

Sing it Carlton. "It's not unusual to be find a skank in Hollywood. It's not unusual to get the clap in Hollywoooooood."

Ok I feel better now.

Things That Make Me Laugh

2007-06-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

If you have followed this blog at all you know that I have an interesting perspective on life. Generally my rule is this if you can't laugh at it Phuck it. Let me explain, my Gas and Electric bill is going up 50%. Primarily because everyone my State's general assembly took one Economics class in college or continuing education and they forgot to consider the true repercussions of deregulation of a utility if there is only one player in the market. I personally find that comical. Yes I am pissed that I will have to pay out more to use less energy. And that if I lived alone I would just not use air and be in a tang top and boxers all summer. There's a bit of comedy in that as well. My wife without air condition would be homicidal, she does not do hot. I have heard her pray for a breeze on a hot summer's day and fearing an increase in the murder rate God always delivers a gust of wind just before the fuse is lit. God is good and his mercy is everlasting! LMAO!!!

Stuff I laugh at:

People without children who say they want twins. In this situation I generally say to them you don't get up before 2 am unless you fell down in the club at last call. Get the hell out of my face with that crap. No one wants twins, especially those of us that have them already. You do not sleep, you do not speak to anyone but yourself and Jesus, you rarely bathe because of fear of a slip and fall, and the operation of heavy machinery, automobiles, and wielding an egg beater becomes a societal hazard.

I laugh at people who refuse to be what they are, for instance, I work with a bunch of engineers, nerds generally, unpopular in high school, married the first woman that stood still long enough for them to lose their virginity, generally insecure and completely annoying. But because they have money now they want us to think they are and have always been cool. Chill out Sparky, you are only 5 years removed from wedgies, being in a locker, and making love to the Sear lingerie section. You know who you are. I will knock you the phuck out!

I find it comical how people continually show their ignorance. Take a look at this. http://urbanknowledge.blogspot.com/search/label/prejudice Now what I find funny in this blog despite the obvious insensitivity, ignorance, and trashiness of these mother-less sons of bitches is that they they reenact the past, as they see it. Git R Done, please move on people. But look at these fat ass middle age sandwich smuggling miracle whip on asprin eating people supposedly portraying slaves. Slaves did all the work! All of it built this country, please do your research. I guarantee none of them had as many necks and chins as these idiots. There are more chins in those picture than in a Bangkok whore house. Priceless.

I could go on for days. The latest thing I am laughing at are people who tell me/show me things and ask me if it is funny, generally if you have to ask it isn't. LMAO. Big shout to my brother Daneger! Peep his blog this is funny although I would never tell him that.

Detroit Wins the 2007 NBA LeBron's Medal

2007-06-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

After barely beating the Cavaliers in the first 2 Games the Detroit Piston took a vacation and got the asses handed to them in four straight games, the final nail was hammered home Saturday night. Thank God. The last thing I wanted to see was a Detroit, San Antonio final series. SNORE. Every game the final score of 86 - 89, Shoot me please. Between Rip Hamilton with that facemask and that hairline, looking like he is about to making a cameo in Hostel 2. And Tim "My wife shaped me up" Duncan, I mean damn you are one of the greatest of all times brother, see a barber, weekly, you can afford it. Come on TDunc' is George the Animal Steal your daddy or what?

But seriously congratulations Cavs, Lebron, establish your legacy now. I peeped the emotion in the post game now, stop crying, focus, and do your thing. What you have got to know is that you are the one person that can beat the Spurs, they have no answer for you. Play your game get everybody else involved but when they start to make that push, you must assert your will and step on there throats. TIMMY! has rings. Go TAKE your first. This is where an all-star becomes a legends this is when you go from Orlando Woolridge to Magic Johnson, from Dirk to Larry Bird, from Clyde Drexler to His Airness. Ask Barkley these opportunities do not come along often. Treat this trip to the finals as if it is your last. It might just be. I hope it is not.

_________________________________

Random thought of the day is Greg Oden going to be the Token black cave man on those Geico commercials. I mean hell they won't need any makeup. You be the judge.

What if. . .

2007-05-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

What If Rosie O'Donnell is the Pretty one in her lesbian relationship. The only way that would be is if she was dating Greg Oden. But that would make her Hetero. . . That aint happenin.

What if Paul Mooney married a white woman, you young folks would know him as Negrodamus, from the Chappelle Show. That would be like George W. Bush properly conjugating a verb. That's like a white celebrity wearing panties. Could we stand the shock?More importantly could I be the MC at the wedding reception?

What if Jay-z kissed Tina Thompson? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! That would be like a heavy weight match... I mean imagine the suction. We are talking pressure not felt since Serena Williams let Lavar Arrington hit them muscle-bound skins. And OH God the splash. . . Can you say Tsunami!

Have a good memoorial day!

Michael Jordan Takes it to the Hole

2007-04-25T04:44:00.000-07:00

My man Mike in Cabo St. Lucas doing his best Kobe Impression. Touche Bitches!

Don Imus, The Aftermath

2007-04-13T07:17:00.000-07:00

Don Imus is on Monster.com this morning. Plus his crew, Benard McGurk and Charles McCord were just as bad if not worse. Not real sure if they still have jobs. I do not mean to rehash what has already been said about his firing, he deserved it. If you attack undeserving individuals on a nationally syndicated radio program/TV show you deserve what you get. And believe me this was not the first time. Imus has a history of racist, misogyny, homophobia and antisemitism. As bad as what he said was, his initial reaction was worse, saying this is what we does on this show, and basically telling us to deal with it. Also blaming black music and movies for their ignorant comments. What a winner. Imus is a piece of trash his firing was way overdue.

The aftermath has been very interesting. Many people notably, Michael Baisden, whose radio program I love, have been saying that we cannot stop at Imus. That we should look at rap music and stop the artists from using such terms. Now I love rap, I grew up with it, I plan to die a fan. (Preferably in old age.) The majority of the music on the radio today I do not particularly care for. Any songs that have a dance related to it, have a grunt or moan that makes up more that 65% of the lyrics, or those that are made for the strip club, I quickly turn off. That is not what I call hip hop, it is not what I call music, it is noise on beats. The reason we hear so much of it is because it sells. God only knows why, but it sells, and the labels (majority of which are white-owned) keep producing it. Artists who want to get signed sell their souls to get on. The root cause is money, labels have it, artists generally don't. The labels need to be answering the questions from Oprah, we should not be attacking Ludacris, directly.

That being said, attacking artists directly is an exercise in futility. The artists only make music the label will print. There are hundreds of rap artists that make positive music that we never hear because they do not sell. I blame society as a whole because real lyrics are not bought, real lyricism tend to be overlooked. There are only a few who have been successful and even they have "dumbed down" their lyrics from time to time in order to sell records, namely Jay-z and Nas. Bottom-line if we want to make a difference go after the record labels and their bottom lines.

Please tell me, who says rap is the only music that uses fowl language? I am sure rock and roll and other non-traditional black music genres do the same thing. People used the words Imus used way before rap. People had bad things to say about black people way before rap. I think a societal study on appropriate and inappropriate language needs to be conducted. Rap has been under attack for 20 years now, unfortunately the artists do not have total control of what is distributed. There are other avenues but you can only get to a certain level on your own, major labels and distributors make stars and m. We need to reestablish decency in this country. It is not about Rap music, it is all about money, if labels ignore trash, and pay for art we would not have trash on the airwaves.

Hey Don any advice on how I could get your radio slot?