Things That Make Me Laugh

If you have followed this blog at all you know that I have an interesting perspective on life. Generally my rule is this if you can't laugh at it Phuck it. Let me explain, my Gas and Electric bill is going up 50%. Primarily because everyone my State's general assembly took one Economics class in college or continuing education and they forgot to consider the true repercussions of deregulation of a utility if there is only one player in the market. I personally find that comical. Yes I am pissed that I will have to pay out more to use less energy. And that if I lived alone I would just not use air and be in a tang top and boxers all summer. There's a bit of comedy in that as well. My wife without air condition would be homicidal, she does not do hot. I have heard her pray for a breeze on a hot summer's day and fearing an increase in the murder rate God always delivers a gust of wind just before the fuse is lit. God is good and his mercy is everlasting! LMAO!!!

Stuff I laugh at:

People without children who say they want twins. In this situation I generally say to them you don't get up before 2 am unless you fell down in the club at last call. Get the hell out of my face with that crap. No one wants twins, especially those of us that have them already. You do not sleep, you do not speak to anyone but yourself and Jesus, you rarely bathe because of fear of a slip and fall, and the operation of heavy machinery, automobiles, and wielding an egg beater becomes a societal hazard.

I laugh at people who refuse to be what they are, for instance, I work with a bunch of engineers, nerds generally, unpopular in high school, married the first woman that stood still long enough for them to lose their virginity, generally insecure and completely annoying. But because they have money now they want us to think they are and have always been cool. Chill out Sparky, you are only 5 years removed from wedgies, being in a locker, and making love to the Sear lingerie section. You know who you are. I will knock you the phuck out!

I find it comical how people continually show their ignorance. Take a look at this. http://urbanknowledge.blogspot.com/search/label/prejudice Now what I find funny in this blog despite the obvious insensitivity, ignorance, and trashiness of these mother-less sons of bitches is that they they reenact the past, as they see it. Git R Done, please move on people. But look at these fat ass middle age sandwich smuggling miracle whip on asprin eating people supposedly portraying slaves. Slaves did all the work! All of it built this country, please do your research. I guarantee none of them had as many necks and chins as these idiots. There are more chins in those picture than in a Bangkok whore house. Priceless.

I could go on for days. The latest thing I am laughing at are people who tell me/show me things and ask me if it is funny, generally if you have to ask it isn't. LMAO. Big shout to my brother Daneger! Peep his blog this is funny although I would never tell him that.

Detroit Wins the 2007 NBA LeBron's Medal

After barely beating the Cavaliers in the first 2 Games the Detroit Piston took a vacation and got the asses handed to them in four straight games, the final nail was hammered home Saturday night. Thank God. The last thing I wanted to see was a Detroit, San Antonio final series. SNORE. Every game the final score of 86 - 89, Shoot me please. Between Rip Hamilton with that facemask and that hairline, looking like he is about to making a cameo in Hostel 2. And Tim "My wife shaped me up" Duncan, I mean damn you are one of the greatest of all times brother, see a barber, weekly, you can afford it. Come on TDunc' is George the Animal Steal your daddy or what?

But seriously congratulations Cavs, Lebron, establish your legacy now. I peeped the emotion in the post game now, stop crying, focus, and do your thing. What you have got to know is that you are the one person that can beat the Spurs, they have no answer for you. Play your game get everybody else involved but when they start to make that push, you must assert your will and step on there throats. TIMMY! has rings. Go TAKE your first. This is where an all-star becomes a legends this is when you go from Orlando Woolridge to Magic Johnson, from Dirk to Larry Bird, from Clyde Drexler to His Airness. Ask Barkley these opportunities do not come along often. Treat this trip to the finals as if it is your last. It might just be. I hope it is not.

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Random thought of the day is Greg Oden going to be the Token black cave man on those Geico commercials. I mean hell they won't need any makeup. You be the judge.

What if. . .

What If Rosie O'Donnell is the Pretty one in her lesbian relationship. The only way that would be is if she was dating Greg Oden. But that would make her Hetero. . . That aint happenin.

What if Paul Mooney married a white woman, you young folks would know him as Negrodamus, from the Chappelle Show. That would be like George W. Bush properly conjugating a verb. That's like a white celebrity wearing panties. Could we stand the shock?More importantly could I be the MC at the wedding reception?

What if Jay-z kissed Tina Thompson? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! That would be like a heavy weight match... I mean imagine the suction. We are talking pressure not felt since Serena Williams let Lavar Arrington hit them muscle-bound skins. And OH God the splash. . . Can you say Tsunami!

Have a good memoorial day!

Michael Jordan Takes it to the Hole

My man Mike in Cabo St. Lucas doing his best Kobe Impression. Touche Bitches!

Don Imus, The Aftermath

Don Imus is on Monster.com this morning. Plus his crew, Benard McGurk and Charles McCord were just as bad if not worse. Not real sure if they still have jobs. I do not mean to rehash what has already been said about his firing, he deserved it. If you attack undeserving individuals on a nationally syndicated radio program/TV show you deserve what you get. And believe me this was not the first time. Imus has a history of racist, misogyny, homophobia and antisemitism. As bad as what he said was, his initial reaction was worse, saying this is what we does on this show, and basically telling us to deal with it. Also blaming black music and movies for their ignorant comments. What a winner. Imus is a piece of trash his firing was way overdue.

The aftermath has been very interesting. Many people notably, Michael Baisden, whose radio program I love, have been saying that we cannot stop at Imus. That we should look at rap music and stop the artists from using such terms. Now I love rap, I grew up with it, I plan to die a fan. (Preferably in old age.) The majority of the music on the radio today I do not particularly care for. Any songs that have a dance related to it, have a grunt or moan that makes up more that 65% of the lyrics, or those that are made for the strip club, I quickly turn off. That is not what I call hip hop, it is not what I call music, it is noise on beats. The reason we hear so much of it is because it sells. God only knows why, but it sells, and the labels (majority of which are white-owned) keep producing it. Artists who want to get signed sell their souls to get on. The root cause is money, labels have it, artists generally don't. The labels need to be answering the questions from Oprah, we should not be attacking Ludacris, directly.

That being said, attacking artists directly is an exercise in futility. The artists only make music the label will print. There are hundreds of rap artists that make positive music that we never hear because they do not sell. I blame society as a whole because real lyrics are not bought, real lyricism tend to be overlooked. There are only a few who have been successful and even they have "dumbed down" their lyrics from time to time in order to sell records, namely Jay-z and Nas. Bottom-line if we want to make a difference go after the record labels and their bottom lines.

Please tell me, who says rap is the only music that uses fowl language? I am sure rock and roll and other non-traditional black music genres do the same thing. People used the words Imus used way before rap. People had bad things to say about black people way before rap. I think a societal study on appropriate and inappropriate language needs to be conducted. Rap has been under attack for 20 years now, unfortunately the artists do not have total control of what is distributed. There are other avenues but you can only get to a certain level on your own, major labels and distributors make stars and m. We need to reestablish decency in this country. It is not about Rap music, it is all about money, if labels ignore trash, and pay for art we would not have trash on the airwaves.

Hey Don any advice on how I could get your radio slot?

Are you My Daddy? - 4/12/2007

American Idol's Melinda Doolittle is asking Shrek, Are you my daddy? They gonna Don Imus me for this one!

Black in Minnesota

I know it has been a while since I have written a blog. My fans and critics have been waiting for something, anything from me. After a modern classic like ManSomeTimeDay I am feeling the pressure and unfortunately this is not my day job, nor my night job, hell I don't get paid anything for this. But my real job tends to send me to very interesting places, places that don't have that many people that look like me in it. You know devilishly handsome dressed to kill black men. Places like Crane Indiana, (Home of the world's longest yellow lights, I mean damn, it is as long as the green in some cases) or Eagan Minnesota home of nipple cracking cold and about 3 blacks. Being that I am an enterprising young man please believe I took advantage of this. I might have gone to a restaurant and when the matre d asked was I a Minnesota Viking I might have taken all of the free drinks, steaks, signed a few autographs and kissed a few babies. A middleaged grandmother may have shown me her Viking Tattoo and I may have had dry heaves but I figure to make the people happy it is just something I had to do. It's all about the fans.
But back to my day at the Eagan office. As a side note most of the black people in minnesota play professional ball, chances are, I will be the only brother in the office there. Yup. And the 3 other blacks, wait I think they were African Americans, it's hard to tell, the other 3 looked at me like I was their cousin, we all hugged and sung We Shall Overcome, discussed our escape plans and went on about our day. So I am working after giving the presentation of my life and getting corporate backing for my product. I was clean as the board of health and what happens, around lunch time the one attractive Minnesotian Sister (Yes there was only one, the rest were really nice people) decides she wants to introduce herself. Being a happily married man and having not evolved the ability to regenerate flesh I immediately . . . RAN LIKE HELL. I mean I ran like she had on a white cape with a red cross on it, like Richard Pryor on fire, like Bobby Brown at the child support office, like Michael Vick during a herpes breakout. I was gone. I gave her every bit of my 4.9, 40 speed. Meanwhile she is WALKING next to me like, Can I show you the town?, Where are you staying?, Have you had lunch yet?, Would you like a home cooked meal? It was like a 1970s Blacksploitation horror movie, "Negrotia" the story of a professional black woman that at the sight of an attractive well dressed brother turns in to a diamond hungry, engagement seeking, penis vampire.

Finally, I escaped in the warmth of the men's bathroom I collected my thoughts called my Pastor and did what any strong black brother from the hood does in a crisis, I pulled the fire alarm, walked calmly out of the building and went on back to my hotel suite calling my wife on the way. Momma aint raise no punk.