A look at my mind

If you were to TiVo my mind for a 15 minute period you would see that my mind is like an HD television with the remote in the hands of a rambunctious 2 and a half year old. Here is a sampling:
I like to call this one "You DO Look Like a Dude."















Khadijah Farmer is put out of a women's room because
they thought she was a man. You can get the full story Here. Now I saw this chick in a TAILORED men's suit on the Today Show and she looks more like a dude looking directly at her than she does looking at her profile. There is a lesson to be learned here. If you do not want to be bounced out of the ladies room and you look like a dude #1 stop dressing like one and #2 drop a few hints I don't know maybe some lip gloss a flower pendent, hell a barrette. Although that still would not help you in Atlanta. Worse come to worse just wear a Velcro shirt and show Charlie Murphy your Titties. The controversy really started because Farmer was in the ladies room asking for a urinal. LOL! But if you tryna get paid just look like a dude and sue. As this SHIM is planning to do. Good luck. She better hope I am not the judge. Because I would look at her picture and be like case dismissed, sir.
Speaking of Bathrooms, you ever go in a bathroom that were just cleaned and they have the toilet paper in so tight that you find yourself pulling and pulling and pulling and only getting enough to cover your thumbnail. I hate that. I find myself in there for an hour trying to crochet a sweater out of the confetti I have made to wipe with. I know people who come in after me look at the floor in the stall and think they missed a parade. Today, I got fed up and just used the Baltimore Sun to wipe my ass. That is best coverage they have had in decades.

Michael Vick has to write a check in excess of 20 Million Dollars back to the Atlanta Falcons to return his signing bonus. They are just the latest people trying to get there money back from the scooby killer. It just leads me to believe that at some level we need to do psychological evaluations on ourselves. I did one today on myself I found that I am sane enough to operate in society and only cause malice and destruction on small scales, usually in client meetings, church socials, and Thanksgiving at my in-laws. But I am not crazy enough to be a multi-millionaire and lose it all. Damn. This just in Mike Vick's perspective cell-mate is a 6 foot 10, 382 pound Homosexual, defensive end/dog lover with Aids, and 4.2 speed. Let's see how evasive he is in that 10x9 cell.

OK I will stop the randomness and get back to work.

To be continued. Be afraid be very afraid.

I Hate Weddings!!!

Okay, okay, I don't hate weddings, weddings are usually cool but a wedding on your birthday sucks ass. And a wedding on your birthday that is out of town BLOWS DOG. All jokes aside I like the couple so it was worth it and I really had no choice because it was my wife's good friend. Apparently, if a woman misses a wedding of her girlfriend she immediately gets terminal left breast cancer and since I am right-handed we HAD to go. All and all the wedding was fun. The problem was we were 45 miles from home and I could not get off my ass drunk because of some law against it or some shit. Anyway had a good time danced laughed sat at the table a few nice couples although weird.

The first a mixed couple were the man was a 6'2 horizontally and vertically, 438 pounds (that's right a fucking giant Fee fi fo fum and all that shit) and the woman was a whopping 4 foot 10. Of course she had all the balls and all of the whiskey and at some point she made reference to his tiny sushi and I had to excuse myself.

There was the other couple that were only dating 2 weeks, dude she is taking you to a wedding after 2 weeks, run for the nearest exit that chick is trying to have your baby, believe that. They were funny, the girl had the stronger personality of the two, the dude was laid back and kept going to the bar for me.... Unfortunately, forcing me to have to talk to his baby hungry date. This chick was hunting semen like homosexual pirate (Arrrrrrr!) I was really getting uncomfortable now. The bar was 10 feet away and that was too far.

Then there was the other couple across the table the dude look like a fake ass Chippendale with a neck tattoo. Sidebar: Nothing says loser more than a neck tattoo except for maybe a face tattoo. The woman I swear I saw on an the HBO Cathouse but if dude loves/married her so be it.

One thing you are guaranteed to see at a wedding, old people dancing, a lot of single dudes in cheap suits trying to snag something, also a lot of women in dresses that leave little to the imagination, trying to snag something. My wife commented that one of the guests was gonna give herself a black eye when one of her titties popped out. (Her words I swear.) It is just funny as I get older I watch single people and I go wow it sucks to be them. With Herpes, AIDS, and Ugly running rampant, it is a wonder anyone has sex let alone gets married. They should make a condom that sets anybody with an STD on fire whenever it touches them, that may never pass FDA approval. Man what I need now is a good funny funeral. If you aint been to one let me know I can make arrangements.

I really Hope these are fake

OSCAR DE LA HOYA was always a pretty-boy for a fighter but this is pushing it a bit.

Is my editorial even needed here?

This is almost not funny, almost.

Aside from the clothes and the makeup apparently her performances suck ass now too. Where is her Momma? Who is her pastor? Has anyone called Jesus on her behalf yet? I need a vitamin water, a pressure pill, and a shot of Jack after this one.

Random Picture of the week

2 perms, 2 mustaches making u-turns and a dude that makes the best what the fuck face ever!! I just cannot stop laughing at this.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Something has to be done. This chick is ruining her self. This latest performance where she again lets Barnum and Bailey construct her ensemble. She looks like a Bulimic Moms Mabley. I asked for an intervention a little while ago when she was spotted looking like Michael Jackson's stunt double in the Wiz. How do you go from talented and beautiful to troubled and scary in less than 10 years? Are you poking veins Lauryn? Is the pipe talking to you? Are you channeling Richard Pryor? Cocaine has got to be involved. It's a hell of a drug. To the top of my celebrity prayer list you go.

WHY WHY WHY?!!!

Abel Xavier - This is why Soccer will never be a hit in this country. How does his parent feel seeing their boy look like this? As a father if my son ever looked like this please come visit me on Sundays and bring me cigarettes, candy, and Jet Magazines. Greg Oden - Somebody please get this man a stylist. This man looks like a maitre d in an upscale Gargoyle Establishment. Greg you just earned a spot to my prayer list.
Jerry Rice - Crown Royal bags are a ghetto legacy from the 70's. You are the greatest football player EVER, please stop trying so hard to stay relevant. This is embarrassing, Jerry. IF this happens again I may have to catch an assault charge.
Lebron James - This was a skit... It's My Lebrogative!!!!... still unacceptable. Bobby Brown should get Whitney to whoop yo ass.

After that mess, I need a drink.