Monday, November 17, 2008

WTF 70% of Black Women are Single

I guess this is why my single friends are so happily single.

Here is a response. The comments enclosed are not that of the author or the sponsors of Did He Just Say That.

Whoa this dude is nuts. Please comment.


SuzieQ said...

OK, first of all, I didn't even listen to all of that dude. I just skimmed. I'm mad he had to clarify who Kim Alexander was,

But I'm single. And I am waiting for 'the right black man'. Or else my kids will be clear. No, but seriously......I find that I am attracted physically more to darker men, but that there is also a connection there that I don't have with white men. I have friends that are white, but dating just isn't in the books - there isn't that 'click'. On the same token, I will say that it is hard to find a black guy who shares and or is open to many of my interests: camping, SCUBA diving, traveling and being open minded to new things (i.e. not saying 'I'm not doing/trying/eating that ish!') And ultimately, I do want to raise successful black children. Does this mean I would love my kids any less if they weren't 'black'? No, of course not. And does this mean that I will shun those who aren't black if things work? No. I'm pushing 30, and many of my friends are married and have kids.....and quite a few are single and have kids. I don't think all hope is lost and I'm not writing off black men. I'm just going to be patient and wait for SOMEONE (regardless of race) who was worth the wait. Period.

So about the Oprah skit...something she didn't mention, and something you don't see on her show....are the young, single moms who are not middle class. This may be presumptuous, but I feel that they might make up a large portion of that 70%. And I think that there is a difference in the reasons that women of different socio-economic statuses (stati?) are single (in general). Anyhoo, I think she brings up a good point about class, and I think that it is true that the more [formal] education you have, the harder it is to find someone. But regardless of education, social status, etc... ALL women have a right to be choose and be selective about whom they date. If a woman has a Master's degree and makes $85,000 a year, she most likely wants to be with a man who understands where she is in here life and where she's been to get there. In addition, she wants a man who can contribute to the household, financially and otherwise. And no woman should want to be with a man who has three kids out of marriage already, can't hold a job, and just wasn't raised right (a bit extreme, but you get my point).

I believe that - for those who are still waiting, including myself - there are still 'good black men' out there. Some are still in school, some are focused on their work and aren't in the club, some are out working in the community. This leads to my last point - black women also need to know how to filter what's important and what's not. I mentioned financial stability: some women need to understand what that really means. That doesn't mean that he drives a 700 series beamer, or that he buys you shit constantly. That means that he has EQUITY. We can't hold the bar any higher for men then what we bring to the table ourselves, so some women should start looking in the mirror. And appreciate and respect the good qualities you find in men and stop stomping on them for little, petty things that don't matter. I've seen a lot of my good friends, who are good, decent, well-raised men get totally shitted on for the wrong reasons.

OK, my boss just walked in. But that's my two cents.

A. B. said...

Thanks for the comment I totally agree. I am fortunate enough to be happily married but I feel really bad for single people today. Find the right person is hard, I got lucky.

I look at the people in my life that are single and they all seem to be good people but who the hell knows how they are in a relationship.

As far as Oprah there are a lot of things she skips in her show. I think that is more a function of the target audience.

SuzieQ said...

Um, it's OK - you don't need to feel bad for us single people....we're doing just fine, methinks. LOL

As for how people act in vs. out of a relationship......I don't know. I think that generally if people can be good friends (i.e. are considerate, good communicators, know how to deal with compromise and change, etc...), then they are well equipped to be good in a relationship (as long as they don't tote around brown bags with with the right person. I think most of the reason relationships fail is because one person didn't have these qualities as a friend, and the other person didn't realize/choose to see that from jumpstreet. So, it's a little bit about chemistry and a little bit about acting right, I guess.