Thursday, July 12, 2007


Abel Xavier - This is why Soccer will never be a hit in this country. How does his parent feel seeing their boy look like this? As a father if my son ever looked like this please come visit me on Sundays and bring me cigarettes, candy, and Jet Magazines. Greg Oden - Somebody please get this man a stylist. This man looks like a maitre d in an upscale Gargoyle Establishment. Greg you just earned a spot to my prayer list.
Jerry Rice - Crown Royal bags are a ghetto legacy from the 70's. You are the greatest football player EVER, please stop trying so hard to stay relevant. This is embarrassing, Jerry. IF this happens again I may have to catch an assault charge.
Lebron James - This was a skit... It's My Lebrogative!!!!... still unacceptable. Bobby Brown should get Whitney to whoop yo ass.

After that mess, I need a drink.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Come on Mike

My first thought when I saw this picture is that I misspelled the first word in the title. Below you will find the rest, in no particular order:
  1. Calm down little buddy!
  2. "Denyce, I'm coming for you baby. My stroke is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah!"
  3. Denyce: Is that a tattoo on his face? Mike: Herrrrrre Titty Titty Titty!
  4. "You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend." (Originally said to Razor Ruddock) LMAO
  5. If I can connect with an uppercut I could push my bone to her brain.
  6. "I normally work with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."
  7. Why does he keep calling me Robin?
  8. I was a little concerned when he licked my hand but the crotch juggling is just unacceptable.
  9. Please F*ck me and make you love me!!!
  10. If I wasn't on Zoloft she would be broken and pregnant.
Big Shout to Dane and AW for this one.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Proper Burial

So yesterday the NAACP buried the N-word. This would probably an opportunity for me to profess my opinion on the matter but that is not my style. Of course I think the N-word should be eradicated, after all it is generally misused, it is used by blacks as somewhat of a term of endearment, "That's my N-Word" (I plead guilty); It is used by others as a racial slur; it is used by suburban whites as a term of endearment for their white friends when no one black is around. Nevertheless it is a word that is a symbol of hate, oppression, and its death is long overdue.
With that in mind there are a few people who antics should join the N-Word in that grave. I would never call for another human being's death, perhaps their maiming, or dismemberment but never death, that is just wrong.
  • Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. Can we get some new black protesters please, I mean let He without sin cast the first stone I mean dag these brothers are tired, old and quite honestly I am tired of them. Al Sharpton just makes me shake my head, he says whatever is on his mind factually sound or not. Man at least you could bring back the sweatsuits so that blacks AND whites can laugh at you. You are far too entertaining to them. Jesse went to the Middle East and brought the pain a few years back, getting those hostages released, since then he has moved nothing but up a few suit sizes. I mean really we laugh at Bill Cosby's rants but these two "reverends" are just noisemakers and I really think they are more into their own press than the improvement of our community or the issues in dispute. It is time to get some folks out there that really care. Not me though I got shit to do.
  • Troubled black athletes. Pacman, the Vick boys, the Cincinnati Bengals, Tank Johnson all of them, you overpaid children need to wake up. You have the world at your doorstep chill out, get rid of the drugs, dog fights, guns, strip clubs. Do what white people do, go hunting, you can drink, shoot, and cheat on your wives all in one weekend and have the NRA protect you. They need a token black spokesperson, anyway. Especially since OJ prefers knives. I wonder if you can apply or do you need to shoot a close friend first. (Big shout to our vice president my favorite government DICK)
  • Reality shows on VH1. I mean really do we really need anymore examples of how ignorant some people are, black, white, or monkey I would rather watch Roseanne strip tease while cooking bacon than see Monique teaching someone "class." Are you kidding me? Monique how about you shave them sides of beef before you call legs, and how about you pull the reigns back on that makeup, who is your stylist Earl Scheib, Maaco. Make up to you is like putting perfume on a pig. I am so embarrassed by her, she is more hurtful to Baltimore than The Wire, Martin O'Malley and the School System combined. And if they reelect Sheila Dixon, Jesus may have to run in 2012.
  • Dudes in Capri pants. Do I really need to say this? If you want pants where pants, if you want shorts wear shorts. Now maybe I am getting old but when I was growing up ladies wore Capri's well ladies and those dudes that grew up faster than their parents could buy clothes used to get beat up. Capri pants and Timberland's you have got to be kidding me.
  • Rappers with "Lil" in their names. Just stop it. Is that really cooler than just Wayne, I mean hell it worked for Madonna and she got enough money to buy Negroes. I can't wait to have enough money to skip over all of the American children in need and go to a 3rd world country and get me a nice handmade rug. I aint bringing no foreign child over here. There are Millions here that I can ignore. Which reminds me. . .
  • Celebrities adopting foreign children. There are Millions of American orphans, how about you pick a few of them up Brangelina. Sure your world spanning community service is admirable but how about you help out your community on this hemisphere.
  • If you can think of any more hit up my comments, this is like therapy to me.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Time For An Intervention

When I first saw this picture I was like Oprah done phucked around and went to clown college and lost 100 more pounds. Then my ipod switched to Fugee La La La and I said Holy Jesus Holy Jesus! That is Lauryn Hill!! She looks like Flava Flav and Ronald McDonald's daughter. Oh my gracious somebody PLEASE pull this hooka up and tell her this is her brain on drugs. What a waste. I aint been this upset since "That's My Mama" went off.