Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Vampire LaSnopp

This bama need to stop smoking weed from transylvania. LOL What yall think?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Who should I vote for for president in 2008?

I match up well with...

Barack Obama - 67 match

You must be ambitious and idealistic, like Barack Obama. Obama is a liberal democrat who, unlike his rivals, opposed the Iraq war from the start. With only 3 years in the Senate, his inexperience worries some and sometimes reveals itself in the debates, but he also has the charisma and popular support that the others lack.

Dennis Kucinich - 66 match

Denis Kucinich, an Ohio congressman, is a far-left liberal democrat. He has the most extreme proposals for nearly every issue including creating a single-payer system of universal health care; an immediate withdrawal of all U.S. forces from Iraq and replacing them with an international security force; and guaranteeing quality education with free pre-kindergarten and college. He even wants to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. Needless to say, Kucinich is a no-hope contender.

Bill Richardson - 64 match

You're looking for a moderate Democrat like Bill Richardson. Experienced in state, national, and international politics, Richardson has been a Congressman, an ambassador to the United Nations Security Council, and is now the governor of New Mexico. He is pro-choice, strongly favors rights for the LGBT population, advocates for affirmative action in government contracts, and even championed the idea that Congress should revoke the original authority it gave to go to war with Iraq. Richardson also supports the death penalty and gun ownership rights.

Take the test.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Is it me. . .

Is it me or does Wyclef look like the villain in the Blade IV, the Blood Band Director. LOL

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Ladies Wake Up

Now I do not know the author and I do not necessarily agree with all that he says but this dude has a point. Please read, enjoy, and comment. This was forwarded to me by a dear friend.

Bottom line -- if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about, SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he's through. He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch. Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth. Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship". Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The "other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home". Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long. Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening. All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it. Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don't be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT. Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he's married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, "I'm not lookin' for nothing right now" -- DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind.." NO YOU CAN'T. He said exactly what he meant. BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF. If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now? There's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself -- sexually AND emotionally. Show us to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don't be afraid to be alone. After you give us sex you will probably be alone anyway, but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. if we REALLY like you, we'll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us. That's not how it works, baby. I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won't change a thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying....

  3. A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago)

BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. "

I know you are used to laughing at this blog but I think more women need to read and understand this. Actually dudes tone made me laugh but hell I laugh at almost everything. I think it is funny how you hear (read) the truth so little that when you finally see it, it looks like a joke.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Phil Jackson, LOL!

I know this is late but Phil Jackson Hall of Fame player for the historical New York Knicks. The 6 Time coach of my Beloved Chicago Bulls and another team which I forget the name of... LOL Jackson is facing some contraversy for his post game comment regarding a recent Laker game. Here is the comment. "We call this a Brokeback Mountain game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts," Jackson said. "It was one of those games." Wow! HAAAAAAAAA!!!!
I think the Zen Master and I must share brains because that is totally something I would have said. I wonder if there are any other applications such an analogy. Stay Tuned.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Marriage Changes Things

Before all of you women get up in arms about the title let me start by saying that I am happily married and that I love and adore my wife. That being said we have changed quite a bit since we met 10 years ago this coming New Years Eve. We were having a conversation about some home improvements and I had a epiphany, the things that once got us excited have been replaced by things parents get fired up over. From this gorgeous loving woman that I used to chase around the kitchen, tackle in the living room, and kiss passionately for no other reason other than she was there. She looked at me with a straight face and said we should get some "really cool door knobs, That can be our thing!" What the fuck!! Before we got married we were going to the ends of the earth to see the 7 wonders of the world, we were going to climb mount everest, and winter in Tahiti. We were going to make love in the French Riviera. Now married 4 years our thing is Door Knobs. Door Knobs, DOOR FUCKING KNOBS!!! How old are we? There needs to be an intervention. Oh Jesus whats next matching bowling shirts, we will start being bridge partners, oh Lord not Bingo! You see what the American Dream does it makes you boring, makes you old. Bottomline fellas Marriage changes things!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A look at my mind

If you were to TiVo my mind for a 15 minute period you would see that my mind is like an HD television with the remote in the hands of a rambunctious 2 and a half year old. Here is a sampling:
I like to call this one "You DO Look Like a Dude."

Khadijah Farmer is put out of a women's room because
they thought she was a man. You can get the full story Here. Now I saw this chick in a TAILORED men's suit on the Today Show and she looks more like a dude looking directly at her than she does looking at her profile. There is a lesson to be learned here. If you do not want to be bounced out of the ladies room and you look like a dude #1 stop dressing like one and #2 drop a few hints I don't know maybe some lip gloss a flower pendent, hell a barrette. Although that still would not help you in Atlanta. Worse come to worse just wear a Velcro shirt and show Charlie Murphy your Titties. The controversy really started because Farmer was in the ladies room asking for a urinal. LOL! But if you tryna get paid just look like a dude and sue. As this SHIM is planning to do. Good luck. She better hope I am not the judge. Because I would look at her picture and be like case dismissed, sir.
Speaking of Bathrooms, you ever go in a bathroom that were just cleaned and they have the toilet paper in so tight that you find yourself pulling and pulling and pulling and only getting enough to cover your thumbnail. I hate that. I find myself in there for an hour trying to crochet a sweater out of the confetti I have made to wipe with. I know people who come in after me look at the floor in the stall and think they missed a parade. Today, I got fed up and just used the Baltimore Sun to wipe my ass. That is best coverage they have had in decades.

Michael Vick has to write a check in excess of 20 Million Dollars back to the Atlanta Falcons to return his signing bonus. They are just the latest people trying to get there money back from the scooby killer. It just leads me to believe that at some level we need to do psychological evaluations on ourselves. I did one today on myself I found that I am sane enough to operate in society and only cause malice and destruction on small scales, usually in client meetings, church socials, and Thanksgiving at my in-laws. But I am not crazy enough to be a multi-millionaire and lose it all. Damn. This just in Mike Vick's perspective cell-mate is a 6 foot 10, 382 pound Homosexual, defensive end/dog lover with Aids, and 4.2 speed. Let's see how evasive he is in that 10x9 cell.

OK I will stop the randomness and get back to work.

To be continued. Be afraid be very afraid.

Monday, September 24, 2007

I Hate Weddings!!!

Okay, okay, I don't hate weddings, weddings are usually cool but a wedding on your birthday sucks ass. And a wedding on your birthday that is out of town BLOWS DOG. All jokes aside I like the couple so it was worth it and I really had no choice because it was my wife's good friend. Apparently, if a woman misses a wedding of her girlfriend she immediately gets terminal left breast cancer and since I am right-handed we HAD to go. All and all the wedding was fun. The problem was we were 45 miles from home and I could not get off my ass drunk because of some law against it or some shit. Anyway had a good time danced laughed sat at the table a few nice couples although weird.

The first a mixed couple were the man was a 6'2 horizontally and vertically, 438 pounds (that's right a fucking giant Fee fi fo fum and all that shit) and the woman was a whopping 4 foot 10. Of course she had all the balls and all of the whiskey and at some point she made reference to his tiny sushi and I had to excuse myself.

There was the other couple that were only dating 2 weeks, dude she is taking you to a wedding after 2 weeks, run for the nearest exit that chick is trying to have your baby, believe that. They were funny, the girl had the stronger personality of the two, the dude was laid back and kept going to the bar for me.... Unfortunately, forcing me to have to talk to his baby hungry date. This chick was hunting semen like homosexual pirate (Arrrrrrr!) I was really getting uncomfortable now. The bar was 10 feet away and that was too far.

Then there was the other couple across the table the dude look like a fake ass Chippendale with a neck tattoo. Sidebar: Nothing says loser more than a neck tattoo except for maybe a face tattoo. The woman I swear I saw on an the HBO Cathouse but if dude loves/married her so be it.
One thing you are guaranteed to see at a wedding, old people dancing, a lot of single dudes in cheap suits trying to snag something, also a lot of women in dresses that leave little to the imagination, trying to snag something. My wife commented that one of the guests was gonna give herself a black eye when one of her titties popped out. (Her words I swear.) It is just funny as I get older I watch single people and I go wow it sucks to be them. With Herpes, AIDS, and Ugly running rampant, it is a wonder anyone has sex let alone gets married. They should make a condom that sets anybody with an STD on fire whenever it touches them, that may never pass FDA approval. Man what I need now is a good funny funeral. If you aint been to one let me know I can make arrangements.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I really Hope these are fake

OSCAR DE LA HOYA was always a pretty-boy for a fighter but this is pushing it a bit.

Is my editorial even needed here?

Thursday, August 09, 2007

This is almost not funny, almost.

Aside from the clothes and the makeup apparently her performances suck ass now too. Where is her Momma? Who is her pastor? Has anyone called Jesus on her behalf yet? I need a vitamin water, a pressure pill, and a shot of Jack after this one.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Random Picture of the week

2 perms, 2 mustaches making u-turns and a dude that makes the best what the fuck face ever!! I just cannot stop laughing at this.


Something has to be done. This chick is ruining her self. This latest performance where she again lets Barnum and Bailey construct her ensemble. She looks like a Bulimic Moms Mabley. I asked for an intervention a little while ago when she was spotted looking like Michael Jackson's stunt double in the Wiz. How do you go from talented and beautiful to troubled and scary in less than 10 years? Are you poking veins Lauryn? Is the pipe talking to you? Are you channeling Richard Pryor? Cocaine has got to be involved. It's a hell of a drug. To the top of my celebrity prayer list you go.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Abel Xavier - This is why Soccer will never be a hit in this country. How does his parent feel seeing their boy look like this? As a father if my son ever looked like this please come visit me on Sundays and bring me cigarettes, candy, and Jet Magazines. Greg Oden - Somebody please get this man a stylist. This man looks like a maitre d in an upscale Gargoyle Establishment. Greg you just earned a spot to my prayer list.
Jerry Rice - Crown Royal bags are a ghetto legacy from the 70's. You are the greatest football player EVER, please stop trying so hard to stay relevant. This is embarrassing, Jerry. IF this happens again I may have to catch an assault charge.
Lebron James - This was a skit... It's My Lebrogative!!!!... still unacceptable. Bobby Brown should get Whitney to whoop yo ass.

After that mess, I need a drink.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Come on Mike

My first thought when I saw this picture is that I misspelled the first word in the title. Below you will find the rest, in no particular order:
  1. Calm down little buddy!
  2. "Denyce, I'm coming for you baby. My stroke is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah!"
  3. Denyce: Is that a tattoo on his face? Mike: Herrrrrre Titty Titty Titty!
  4. "You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend." (Originally said to Razor Ruddock) LMAO
  5. If I can connect with an uppercut I could push my bone to her brain.
  6. "I normally work with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."
  7. Why does he keep calling me Robin?
  8. I was a little concerned when he licked my hand but the crotch juggling is just unacceptable.
  9. Please F*ck me and make you love me!!!
  10. If I wasn't on Zoloft she would be broken and pregnant.
Big Shout to Dane and AW for this one.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Proper Burial

So yesterday the NAACP buried the N-word. This would probably an opportunity for me to profess my opinion on the matter but that is not my style. Of course I think the N-word should be eradicated, after all it is generally misused, it is used by blacks as somewhat of a term of endearment, "That's my N-Word" (I plead guilty); It is used by others as a racial slur; it is used by suburban whites as a term of endearment for their white friends when no one black is around. Nevertheless it is a word that is a symbol of hate, oppression, and its death is long overdue.
With that in mind there are a few people who antics should join the N-Word in that grave. I would never call for another human being's death, perhaps their maiming, or dismemberment but never death, that is just wrong.
  • Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. Can we get some new black protesters please, I mean let He without sin cast the first stone I mean dag these brothers are tired, old and quite honestly I am tired of them. Al Sharpton just makes me shake my head, he says whatever is on his mind factually sound or not. Man at least you could bring back the sweatsuits so that blacks AND whites can laugh at you. You are far too entertaining to them. Jesse went to the Middle East and brought the pain a few years back, getting those hostages released, since then he has moved nothing but up a few suit sizes. I mean really we laugh at Bill Cosby's rants but these two "reverends" are just noisemakers and I really think they are more into their own press than the improvement of our community or the issues in dispute. It is time to get some folks out there that really care. Not me though I got shit to do.
  • Troubled black athletes. Pacman, the Vick boys, the Cincinnati Bengals, Tank Johnson all of them, you overpaid children need to wake up. You have the world at your doorstep chill out, get rid of the drugs, dog fights, guns, strip clubs. Do what white people do, go hunting, you can drink, shoot, and cheat on your wives all in one weekend and have the NRA protect you. They need a token black spokesperson, anyway. Especially since OJ prefers knives. I wonder if you can apply or do you need to shoot a close friend first. (Big shout to our vice president my favorite government DICK)
  • Reality shows on VH1. I mean really do we really need anymore examples of how ignorant some people are, black, white, or monkey I would rather watch Roseanne strip tease while cooking bacon than see Monique teaching someone "class." Are you kidding me? Monique how about you shave them sides of beef before you call legs, and how about you pull the reigns back on that makeup, who is your stylist Earl Scheib, Maaco. Make up to you is like putting perfume on a pig. I am so embarrassed by her, she is more hurtful to Baltimore than The Wire, Martin O'Malley and the School System combined. And if they reelect Sheila Dixon, Jesus may have to run in 2012.
  • Dudes in Capri pants. Do I really need to say this? If you want pants where pants, if you want shorts wear shorts. Now maybe I am getting old but when I was growing up ladies wore Capri's well ladies and those dudes that grew up faster than their parents could buy clothes used to get beat up. Capri pants and Timberland's you have got to be kidding me.
  • Rappers with "Lil" in their names. Just stop it. Is that really cooler than just Wayne, I mean hell it worked for Madonna and she got enough money to buy Negroes. I can't wait to have enough money to skip over all of the American children in need and go to a 3rd world country and get me a nice handmade rug. I aint bringing no foreign child over here. There are Millions here that I can ignore. Which reminds me. . .
  • Celebrities adopting foreign children. There are Millions of American orphans, how about you pick a few of them up Brangelina. Sure your world spanning community service is admirable but how about you help out your community on this hemisphere.
  • If you can think of any more hit up my comments, this is like therapy to me.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Time For An Intervention

When I first saw this picture I was like Oprah done phucked around and went to clown college and lost 100 more pounds. Then my ipod switched to Fugee La La La and I said Holy Jesus Holy Jesus! That is Lauryn Hill!! She looks like Flava Flav and Ronald McDonald's daughter. Oh my gracious somebody PLEASE pull this hooka up and tell her this is her brain on drugs. What a waste. I aint been this upset since "That's My Mama" went off.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Should that be a period instead of a question mark? Just wondering.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

That's it I have had Enough

It is time paparazzi stops taking pictures of washed up stars. What was the last thing that this minority hobbit bastard was in. Celebrity fat club? Ugly Arnold? Who wants to date a washed up Thousandaire? I mean jeez I loved different strokes but when was that hot last 1982?

Look at that hat. When did Baby Gap start carrying Cowboy hats. And you can't tell me those khakis are not from Gymboree. This dude looks like Paddington Bear on Methadone.

In other swelling celebrity news look who got a divorce yesterday and now has his own snowflake.

Sing it Carlton. "It's not unusual to be find a skank in Hollywood. It's not unusual to get the clap in Hollywoooooood."
Ok I feel better now.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Things That Make Me Laugh

If you have followed this blog at all you know that I have an interesting perspective on life. Generally my rule is this if you can't laugh at it Phuck it. Let me explain, my Gas and Electric bill is going up 50%. Primarily because everyone my State's general assembly took one Economics class in college or continuing education and they forgot to consider the true repercussions of deregulation of a utility if there is only one player in the market. I personally find that comical. Yes I am pissed that I will have to pay out more to use less energy. And that if I lived alone I would just not use air and be in a tang top and boxers all summer. There's a bit of comedy in that as well. My wife without air condition would be homicidal, she does not do hot. I have heard her pray for a breeze on a hot summer's day and fearing an increase in the murder rate God always delivers a gust of wind just before the fuse is lit. God is good and his mercy is everlasting! LMAO!!!

Stuff I laugh at:

People without children who say they want twins. In this situation I generally say to them you don't get up before 2 am unless you fell down in the club at last call. Get the hell out of my face with that crap. No one wants twins, especially those of us that have them already. You do not sleep, you do not speak to anyone but yourself and Jesus, you rarely bathe because of fear of a slip and fall, and the operation of heavy machinery, automobiles, and wielding an egg beater becomes a societal hazard.

I laugh at people who refuse to be what they are, for instance, I work with a bunch of engineers, nerds generally, unpopular in high school, married the first woman that stood still long enough for them to lose their virginity, generally insecure and completely annoying. But because they have money now they want us to think they are and have always been cool. Chill out Sparky, you are only 5 years removed from wedgies, being in a locker, and making love to the Sear lingerie section. You know who you are. I will knock you the phuck out!

I find it comical how people continually show their ignorance. Take a look at this. http://urbanknowledge.blogspot.com/search/label/prejudice Now what I find funny in this blog despite the obvious insensitivity, ignorance, and trashiness of these mother-less sons of bitches is that they they reenact the past, as they see it. Git R Done, please move on people. But look at these fat ass middle age sandwich smuggling miracle whip on asprin eating people supposedly portraying slaves. Slaves did all the work! All of it built this country, please do your research. I guarantee none of them had as many necks and chins as these idiots. There are more chins in those picture than in a Bangkok whore house. Priceless.

I could go on for days. The latest thing I am laughing at are people who tell me/show me things and ask me if it is funny, generally if you have to ask it isn't. LMAO. Big shout to my brother Daneger! Peep his blog this is funny although I would never tell him that.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Detroit Wins the 2007 NBA LeBron's Medal

After barely beating the Cavaliers in the first 2 Games the Detroit Piston took a vacation and got the asses handed to them in four straight games, the final nail was hammered home Saturday night. Thank God. The last thing I wanted to see was a Detroit, San Antonio final series. SNORE. Every game the final score of 86 - 89, Shoot me please. Between Rip Hamilton with that facemask and that hairline, looking like he is about to making a cameo in Hostel 2. And Tim "My wife shaped me up" Duncan, I mean damn you are one of the greatest of all times brother, see a barber, weekly, you can afford it. Come on TDunc' is George the Animal Steal your daddy or what?

But seriously congratulations Cavs, Lebron, establish your legacy now. I peeped the emotion in the post game now, stop crying, focus, and do your thing. What you have got to know is that you are the one person that can beat the Spurs, they have no answer for you. Play your game get everybody else involved but when they start to make that push, you must assert your will and step on there throats. TIMMY! has rings. Go TAKE your first. This is where an all-star becomes a legends this is when you go from Orlando Woolridge to Magic Johnson, from Dirk to Larry Bird, from Clyde Drexler to His Airness. Ask Barkley these opportunities do not come along often. Treat this trip to the finals as if it is your last. It might just be. I hope it is not.

Random thought of the day is Greg Oden going to be the Token black cave man on those Geico commercials. I mean hell they won't need any makeup. You be the judge.

Friday, May 25, 2007

What if. . .

What If Rosie O'Donnell is the Pretty one in her lesbian relationship. The only way that would be is if she was dating Greg Oden. But that would make her Hetero. . . That aint happenin.

What if Paul Mooney married a white woman, you young folks would know him as Negrodamus, from the Chappelle Show. That would be like George W. Bush properly conjugating a verb. That's like a white celebrity wearing panties. Could we stand the shock?More importantly could I be the MC at the wedding reception?

What if Jay-z kissed Tina Thompson? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! That would be like a heavy weight match... I mean imagine the suction. We are talking pressure not felt since Serena Williams let Lavar Arrington hit them muscle-bound skins. And OH God the splash. . . Can you say Tsunami!

Have a good memoorial day!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Michael Jordan Takes it to the Hole

My man Mike in Cabo St. Lucas doing his best Kobe Impression. Touche Bitches!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Don Imus, The Aftermath

Don Imus is on Monster.com this morning. Plus his crew, Benard McGurk and Charles McCord were just as bad if not worse. Not real sure if they still have jobs. I do not mean to rehash what has already been said about his firing, he deserved it. If you attack undeserving individuals on a nationally syndicated radio program/TV show you deserve what you get. And believe me this was not the first time. Imus has a history of racist, misogyny, homophobia and antisemitism. As bad as what he said was, his initial reaction was worse, saying this is what we does on this show, and basically telling us to deal with it. Also blaming black music and movies for their ignorant comments. What a winner. Imus is a piece of trash his firing was way overdue.
The aftermath has been very interesting. Many people notably, Michael Baisden, whose radio program I love, have been saying that we cannot stop at Imus. That we should look at rap music and stop the artists from using such terms. Now I love rap, I grew up with it, I plan to die a fan. (Preferably in old age.) The majority of the music on the radio today I do not particularly care for. Any songs that have a dance related to it, have a grunt or moan that makes up more that 65% of the lyrics, or those that are made for the strip club, I quickly turn off. That is not what I call hip hop, it is not what I call music, it is noise on beats. The reason we hear so much of it is because it sells. God only knows why, but it sells, and the labels (majority of which are white-owned) keep producing it. Artists who want to get signed sell their souls to get on. The root cause is money, labels have it, artists generally don't. The labels need to be answering the questions from Oprah, we should not be attacking Ludacris, directly.
That being said, attacking artists directly is an exercise in futility. The artists only make music the label will print. There are hundreds of rap artists that make positive music that we never hear because they do not sell. I blame society as a whole because real lyrics are not bought, real lyricism tend to be overlooked. There are only a few who have been successful and even they have "dumbed down" their lyrics from time to time in order to sell records, namely Jay-z and Nas. Bottom-line if we want to make a difference go after the record labels and their bottom lines.
Please tell me, who says rap is the only music that uses fowl language? I am sure rock and roll and other non-traditional black music genres do the same thing. People used the words Imus used way before rap. People had bad things to say about black people way before rap. I think a societal study on appropriate and inappropriate language needs to be conducted. Rap has been under attack for 20 years now, unfortunately the artists do not have total control of what is distributed. There are other avenues but you can only get to a certain level on your own, major labels and distributors make stars and m. We need to reestablish decency in this country. It is not about Rap music, it is all about money, if labels ignore trash, and pay for art we would not have trash on the airwaves.
Hey Don any advice on how I could get your radio slot?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Are you My Daddy? - 4/12/2007

American Idol's Melinda Doolittle is asking Shrek, Are you my daddy? They gonna Don Imus me for this one!

Monday, April 09, 2007

Black in Minnesota

I know it has been a while since I have written a blog. My fans and critics have been waiting for something, anything from me. After a modern classic like ManSomeTimeDay I am feeling the pressure and unfortunately this is not my day job, nor my night job, hell I don't get paid anything for this. But my real job tends to send me to very interesting places, places that don't have that many people that look like me in it. You know devilishly handsome dressed to kill black men. Places like Crane Indiana, (Home of the world's longest yellow lights, I mean damn, it is as long as the green in some cases) or Eagan Minnesota home of nipple cracking cold and about 3 blacks. Being that I am an enterprising young man please believe I took advantage of this. I might have gone to a restaurant and when the matre d asked was I a Minnesota Viking I might have taken all of the free drinks, steaks, signed a few autographs and kissed a few babies. A middleaged grandmother may have shown me her Viking Tattoo and I may have had dry heaves but I figure to make the people happy it is just something I had to do. It's all about the fans.
But back to my day at the Eagan office. As a side note most of the black people in minnesota play professional ball, chances are, I will be the only brother in the office there. Yup. And the 3 other blacks, wait I think they were African Americans, it's hard to tell, the other 3 looked at me like I was their cousin, we all hugged and sung We Shall Overcome, discussed our escape plans and went on about our day. So I am working after giving the presentation of my life and getting corporate backing for my product. I was clean as the board of health and what happens, around lunch time the one attractive Minnesotian Sister (Yes there was only one, the rest were really nice people) decides she wants to introduce herself. Being a happily married man and having not evolved the ability to regenerate flesh I immediately . . . RAN LIKE HELL. I mean I ran like she had on a white cape with a red cross on it, like Richard Pryor on fire, like Bobby Brown at the child support office, like Michael Vick during a herpes breakout. I was gone. I gave her every bit of my 4.9, 40 speed. Meanwhile she is WALKING next to me like, Can I show you the town?, Where are you staying?, Have you had lunch yet?, Would you like a home cooked meal? It was like a 1970s Blacksploitation horror movie, "Negrotia" the story of a professional black woman that at the sight of an attractive well dressed brother turns in to a diamond hungry, engagement seeking, penis vampire.
Finally, I escaped in the warmth of the men's bathroom I collected my thoughts called my Pastor and did what any strong black brother from the hood does in a crisis, I pulled the fire alarm, walked calmly out of the building and went on back to my hotel suite calling my wife on the way. Momma aint raise no punk.

Monday, March 19, 2007

How to prank with a telemarketer LMAO!

Please listen to this. How to prank a telemarketer. Since my employer insists on me earning my paycheck I can not contribute to the betterment (that is not a word) of society with my wit and rants about well anything. To keep my fans happy all 3 of you. (Hi mom!) check this out. Personally one of the funniest prank calls I have heard. Enjoy

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Fantasia Barrino Starring in The Color Purple on Broadway

Fantasia plays Celie on broadway. Hmmm. . . Believe it or not, looks like Miss Barrino has finally found a role that she is too attractive for. Hats off to you Tasia!

Monday, March 05, 2007

Today's Are You My Daddy

Chris Brown is asking LL Cool J, "Are you my daddy?"

Too Wong Fu 2

Noxeema Jackson BKA Sheryl Underwood. I love your comedy Sheryl but you look like Wesley Snipes' stunt double in Too Wong Foo. You know you aint got no business with your back(s) out. LMAO!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Morning Rant: In and Out Burgers be Good

Only an In-N-Out Burger can put a smile like this on a grown mans face. Well any burger works for Cedric. Cedric the Entertainer enjoys an In-N-Out burger at an Oscar after party. Look how happy he is. The burger took away his depression after not being nominated for his role in The Cleaner. (Will anybody admit to seeing that?) Cedric come on to the east coast and check out Five Guys it puts In-N-Out to shame.

Nice suit Ceddy. That second button is pulling a bit, I am sure your tailor can handle that. A few more burgers and POP, ping, ping, ping, ping, MY EYE MY EYE!
All jokes aside brother your suit is stretching so much it is starting to get as shiney as P. Diddy's. You might want to see if Fox will give you another variety show. Shucking and Jiving burns more calories than does actual talent. Look how thin Wayne Brady is. I mean damn brother you look like you ate Lavita. LMAO!
All jokes a side I am big fan, get healthy and make some good movies, please. I am not a gastroenterologist but that gut looks like a tumor.
Can somebody get this man a Nutrisystem deal? Who the hell is his agent? They helped Mike Golic Lord knows they can help you.(Breathe, breathe) I feel better now. Five Guys for lunch, I am buying. Who's in?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Congratulations to Forrest Whitaker and Jennifer Hudson

And the winners are... (Well the winners that I care about are) For Best Actor Forrest Whitaker for his role as Idi Amin in The Last king of Scotland.

And for her portrayal of Effie White in Dream Girls Jennifer Hudson win the best supporting actress Oscar.
There is something magic about this picture I just can't put my finger on it. LMAO!!!
Both well deserved and Forrest yours was long overdue. I was truly moved by both acceptance speeches. Forrest yours was phenomenal I have seen all of your movies and I realize that I had no idea what your actual voice sounded like.
Much love to you both. Congratulations.
Honorable mention to goes to those nominated but that did not win. The Pursuit of Happyness, Eddie Murphy for his nomination for playing James "Thunder" Early (Donkey from Shrek) in Dreamgirls.
I almost forgot to mention my personal favorite movie from 2007 The Departed for winning Best Picture and a slew of other awards and Martin Scorsese finally winning best director. Finally, a movie that people actually went to see in the movies wins. Again congratulations.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Show Em What You Got Jordan

Michael Jordan, greatest basketball player ever. Jay-Z best rapper alive. You gotta love this joint. Enjoy.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Michael Jordan Jay-Z Beach Chair

It's like I made this myself.

Black Snake Moan

Black Snake Moan My man Samuel Leroy Jackson, Jr. Morehouse grad, and First Negro Jedi Master. (Hand me my lightsaber. Which one? The one that say Bad Motherfucker!) So I am watching The NBA All Star game. Getting ready for work and a Samuel L. Jackson movie preview starts I sit at the edge of the bed and... Wait did he just have a white woman on a chain? Oh naw that was my imagination I dun messed around and dozed off. Tivo rewind. Oh hell he DID have a white woman on a heavy chain? Yes he did have a white woman on a chain, and not willingly either. So I guess this aint a porno. Not just any white woman Christina Ricci. In the heart of the south and Justin Timberlake is in it. This cannot be good. I tell you one thing Black Snake Moan, that is a porn title, there is no doubt about it. Does anybody white know about this movie?I mean after all if a white woman goes missing the Today show goes on 24 hour alert, it becomes a federal holiday. And if a black dude kidnapped her ... nevermind. Y'all know I am going to see this joint the day it premieres. Anyway as this story develops I will keep you all informed. Sammy Sammy Sammy.